I guess there are just some things in which i cannot express in words. So many thoughts, so many feelings pushed through the veins so sudden that I can’t hold on, but how am I supposed to when I’m weak?
I’m lost for words to describe my anger and pain. It is just heart wrenching to make a decision to which I know is irreversible, a decision that would decide my life and how it will be impossible to turn it back when I realize I had picked the wrong one. It’s a scar made, that would burn deep into my skin, scarring me with the sins that I had committed in which I would always remember for life.
The memories and moments that I share would now seem distant. Not entirely possible to find a solution but every time a problem surfaces, is it possible to solve it?
But how many problems can be solved through solutions in which we think can be solved by? No one will know until of course they try to solve it on their own. But then again, will there be a solution for all problems?
Now the problem has once again been surfaced, now that I am no longer affected greatly by it, I know how it feels to be hurt. To go through the pain once again is like taking a bath every day. The desire to keep pushing on and holding is there but is my body willing to take more of it? Is the torture a burning desire for more? Or is it just another signal in which I should give up? No one can answer that, only I have the answer to that question.
Why do we choose giving up as the easiest way out? Why not find reasons to resolve the pain that’s scarring me? Why not look for opportunities in which I can open up to. But no! I choose neither. I choose to believe that I am the solution to my problems. I choose to think that no one can help me but myself.
“Why am I doing this?” this question keeps coming back, haunting me like a restless ghost. I can feel the pain from everyone, but does everyone feel mine? Am I lost for words in which I cannot say to all? Am I the only one able to decide what future I want it to be? Or do I need a follower, a companion with me?
Do I walk alone? I never will walk alone. My decision is made. And I am standing my ground on it. It’s about time I took a side. It’s about time I decide that my life would be shared by someone. But who is this person?
The answer lies deep in my heart. Only the true one will unlock the answer that’s locked deep down in my heart! <3