So we just got better over the weekends and the traces of both anger and sadness still lingers here and there but just as most couple ought to know, things will definitely get better in time to come.

Why do i have such confidence to say that line is cause, i for one, knows where i stand in this relationship. yea probably my 30 pointers of a relationship take away can help one understand why one gets into a relationship in the first place. Not to brag, not to make things seem impossible but just as sometimes when things all just seems right, something somewhere has to break apart and it collapses, and of course putting the couple back into building up the foundation mode, making it better and stronger than the last.

So, that's what me and my baby are doing right now. Sure i've been a fag before and sometimes she being a snag but I guess it's cause we love each other well to know the flaws between ourselves and work our way together right love?

Anyway, our relationship so far is one of the best I've had in my years. I feel very energetic and even when we're fighting, I still have the will power to fight on and try and get a grip on what's happening.

To end the fight, we headed down to Zouk for Benny Benassi's performance and sure it was a hell of a night. We had a promise, no, I had a promise to myself that I'd stop the clubbing nights and lead a life without the enjoyment of alcohol every other weekends but the thing is that day was a different day. Babygirl somehow wanted to come, I was both glad and surprised that she made that decision. I know she's not the kind that spend times around heavy duty sub-woofers with hugh smoke machines shooting at ur face and also having huge crowds around you to jostle and dance for space. She's the kind that spends her time with people who are down to earth and doesnt need extra ingredients in their blood to set the mood. I just love my babygirl's wonder :)

So we had a night of fun tgt, for the 1st time in 6th Months i actually stepped back into the club and boy was is good to smell the smoked-filled machine blasting air-conditioned room. hehe. Yea, I missed the times. But its okay, I'm still enjoying my life with my girl.

So Sunday wasn't really much of a hoo-haa, but i sure did enjoy the time spent at home. Mummy made pies and egg tarts and I spent my time watching Ben 10 from 3-5pm and it was really really good. The night came fast and I was out with Naresh and Syafiq in and around Yishun. Just sitting back and chatting with years to come of how our lives have changed.

We talked about almost everything, and when the topic about Soccer came up, I really felt the jeolousy among the conversation. Well, I didn't want to pursue my career as a footballer, but the two knew I had it in me. It's just, I haven't really let myself out to play like how I used to and I dunno if that time will ever come again.

Apart from that, I missed my babygirl every now so often. I really missed the times we used to laugh together and sleeping under the stars with me shivering in the cold and she nicely tug in under my jacket. Hehe! :)

Yea, i do agree I sacrificed a lot for this almost-perfect little princess. But Im glad to say, the sacrifices made are well worth it.

I do feel that now darling, we're entering into a new level of our relationship, where we have less time for each other and mostly communication through the phone. Well, soon you're gonna be away for attachment and me in school settling my GPA and of course finishing up my PP and FYP. I wish you best of luck in the coming months darling. But before our hectic life schedule gets under way, I wish for a night of romance with just me and you and nature.

Let's runaway for the moment and enjoy the company together love :)

What say you?

so as far as i hate for the day to come, it has finally came with a huge curtain raiser but no crowd to applause to or even to give a reason.

Yes, the show has ended, no more fights, no more laugh, no more love.

What more could i fight for? What more could i ask for? None...

But apart from the sadness, i did learn a thing or two about this almost perfect relationship.

The 1st thing, when you know you cant handle something don't use ur ego as an excuse to do it.

No 2. When you know the going gets tough, back down and you can see that there's actually other fishes in the sea.

No 3. If you can, don't give in too much, or else you won't get you just deserts.

No 4. Be kind, but don't be too kind.

No 5. When you're sweet, don't become sour. ( A huge turn off)

No 6. Just stick to your own frens.

No 7. Don't be shy to let loose, let ppl look at you from their perspective.

No 8. Be yourself, try not to be someone for somebody.

No 9. Learn to master a skill.

No 10. DON'T COMPARE!

No 11. When you listen, listen half, the other you make the decision.

No 12. Accomplish something for yourself, not for someone.

No 13. Do what you do best.

No 14. Don't expect something in return. I.E. when u surprise someone, don't expect a smile or a laugh...just expect the unexpected.

No 15. Set higher bench mark to achieve.

No 16. When you fight, NEVER NEVER give in!

No 17. Repeat mistakes are a no-no!

No 18. When you lose, admit defeat.

No 19. Stand strong, and don't be in denial.

No 20. Play your own game.

No 21. When you love, love half. ( Really, you wont feel it when it ends)

No 22. Confide things to yourself.

No 23. Your path, if someone wants to join, allow them, if they don't, fuck them up!

No 24. Repeat your strengths.

No 25. Love only when you know you're being loved.

No 26. Don't remember your past.

No 27. Look forward to what you have not what you don't have.

No 28. Don't give yourself a reason to stop.

No 29. Don't learn to forgive.

and lastly,

Always remember the person who manages to put you into the mentioned above. If you look carefully and read and understand, you will know that I went through a lot.

The last pointer to remember would be,

Don't you dare forget who SITI SYAHIRAH is because she's the one that has been sweet and kind all this while and I played the devil in hurting her.

Well that's all folks. I know, I sound like a pathetic fool, but hey, after this relationship. I know where I stand now. ;)

Adios peep dwellers.

Not like I love bragging that we're fighting. Not like Im blind to what you're going through. It's just the thought of guessing and asking is a different thing. If I have to always ask you to spell everything out to me is the thing that makes me tick, then I can tell you, your dead wrong. Like what we vow at the start, to not hide anything we feel, I stuck to that vow. U you told me, if Im unhappy about something, voice it out. I did! I was unhappy about ur feelings, I was unhappy about what I did, I let you knew about it. But what did you tell me in return? Instead of confronting my actions, you took it to another level. Bringing back the past and claiming it was the best. Well, the past is the past, and let me remind you that we agreed on a new beginning, and let the past stay as it is. But what is there to look forward to every time I admit my mistake, it ends up like this. Well, about your friend indeed I was the cause of it, but hey, at the end of the day, both of you made a decision which I, for once, didn't force you into losing her. You think I smile silently about you losing your long term friends? You think I like the way that you're making and losing friends? Please, I rather you have friends and me none, cause why, all I need is you. You would disagree and tell me your frens are better and Im nothing compared to them, but have you allowed me to come up to their level, to show you what I meant by im as good as them? I guess not. And don't say i complain a lot about this and that, Im only questioning. And if questioning you begets other reasoning for us to fight then should I question or just react accordingly?

I know you're tired of telling me things to do and what not to do. But come on, a compliment or a remark would be nice in giving me the heads up on what's what. I dun need telling, i dun need reasoning, but what i need is compensation and a feeling that your there. Im sure you're much more brilliant than just running away.

"Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battlefield"
- Jordin Sparks

Well, just like those words above, one moment it was love, the next it was a war.

All hell break lose, when the truth emerge within the depths. It was fun at the start, having supper, and watching Daddy at home, when my hunches got the batter of me.

I'm afraid, im lost. Im actually fighting this war without any armory or shields. No words of comfort can actually help me in fact, only those of her words are satisfactory.

How can I bring about myself to face her? When so many wrongs are pointing at me, when I have nothing to block myself against. I only can imagine a life now gone without her. Im killed within by her feelings. It's like a sharp blade of knife stabbed through the heart and killing me at that instance.

I wanna say im immune to it, but i can't. I wanna say i can handle this but i know i cant either. The only thing i have left are my morals and a slight glimpse of hope. I cant go on like this where the war i know would be hard before it came to an end.

I've been trained to be physically strong, but mentally, im just like any other who's weak and cant handle that intense fighting.

YEs there should be war, but is it worth the fight? Is it worth fighting for a love that's so pure and free?

Is it worth fighting for the same reason as eating?

I know my part was wrong that inflicted this war, but then again, was initiating the truth a right thing to do? Or should I have actually kept my mouth shut and dun even question her rights? I'm regretting what i've done but is it too late to regret?

I just hope for a better chance and I hope for her again.

I just wished the love of my life would return and say those 3 words which i suddenly miss within the battle to survive.

So here I am back, about to explode into some kind of a world that I dunno whether makes sense to me or not.

Irritatingly, I woke up to a day where fever, headaches and body aches all came at once just to make me feel so depressed about the thursday feeling. Well, today's suppose to be the day where me and babygirl would meet. Today's the only day where i can get to see her as long as i like but in the end, i had to stay at home and rest -.-!! bummer...pffft!

Well, i woke up, fever gone but headache's still killing me so babygirl told me to go see a doc to get it settled, i did but along the way, i almost blacked out. Scary feeling and i told babygirl about this and she got worried, so she told me to wait for her to come instead and accompanied me to see the doctor. Sweet ain't she? hehe.♥♥♥

OKay, so after the appointment went straight back to my place where she could look after me and see how i was doing. Ah well, instead of looking after me, she indulge in herself with the movie confession of a shopaholic and left me there to sleep. :(

well, i couldn't of course just go to sleep like that cos its just plain rude when u have guest around, so i stayed up and tried to accompany her instead. Well, i had aches in my body and i asked her for a massage but she only said she lazy and would do it after the show. So...sad as i can get, i let her be, while i did my own thing, which is to try and sleep.

Frustration then got the better of me, she's like movie-ing happily, me just finds all the pains really frustrating, i wanna tell her about it but i'd noe she would just tell me to rest. How can u rest when there's a lot of pain???

Sighh...know smth, nowadays i am scared. Nowadays i feel very empty, very shallow, like no life to it. I am scared to say things to her, knowing how she would feel and react after that makes me scared. I respect her a lot and I dunno if she does the same to me. I feel at times left out, she with all the happiness and me just lonesome and fearful.

I dun really know what im afraid of or why i get this feeling recently. Is it because of the latest happenings and no one to actually talk to about? Or is it just my mind giving me a lot of racketing and it just cant shut up.

I feel there's something amiss recently but i cant point the finger at it. Maybe it's me. I dunno. I just need to shout at something or someone, but that voice dun really wanna come out. there's a block inside of me which i wanna get rid off but cant.

I miss the times we shared dear, but have we gone off and now Im lost? I dunno, time heals, and time tells, but do i have time?

I just wanna be quiet and not say a thing or two. Because every time i make a decision, it just doesn't have that sweet taste. Something's wrong but I dunno. Help me if you can....

I miss you and your love babygirl.


I miss ♥Syahirah♥ a lot....!

:(

It's been so long since I last felt the feeling which indeed haven't really made me feel. That happiness and the closeness which I long to feel have yet to be felt. Although it was just days ago that I had my 6th Months with my babygirl.

You know when the other party holds you close, tells you your the most special, and also lets you know that there's always somewhere there to stand by you to assure you that you won't be lonely and to confirm with you that there's nothing else in this world that can replace you.

The 6th month marks the start of that moment. Where we had lots of fun at the beach and at sentosa. Learning a lot from each other and also we had rides that dictates each other's longing.

It was fun indeed, I felt like the world just came to a stand still that the moment was just between us. Many things have been said and shared, it was amazing. Even to have her to communicate to me in chinese is really very amazing.

And to top it off, learning that pain may sometimes need to rest and that its time for happiness to be surfaced again makes my heart grow more for her. It is really cool to see your very own babygirl actually smile to your actions, becomes very agitated with how you look and also hug you with tenderness. It just makes the love blossom even more.

Though time has been hard on us but I do feel that those hardships are worth the struggle. And for once I could really compliment you for being my most precious and my most cherished lover.

I wish to carry on far with you and may all the dreams we have with each other come true.

I LOVE YOU! :)

finally, i got this blog skin back, I dunno what went wrong the last time round but now seems to be fine. Earlier was really weird, I had to rush to jurong to collect my mum's ordered computer and i swear it was really really troublesome.

Anyway, i broke one of the moniter stand by accident while cornering earlier so ya. :D

Okay so, the past few days was really fun and very very very happening. First off, a fren of mine just got engaged and i didn't really see that side of her before and it was really cool. Well i didn't really get to see the whole ceremony cause my babygirl wanted to go see her fren.

Hee, so yea, drove to pick up the mum and co, then headed to tiong baru where their home was. Okay, so ya, we got lost and was driving around and around like a fool. HAHA!

Well, it was really great having my babygirl with me around. I dunno about her cos she says she gets tired of seeing me everyday. I dunno I don't, I guess im ready to be her hubby, hehe. okay, lame that's like so sweepy. Oh well. hehe. but all the more, i dun get sick of her. and I really really love her to always be by my side.

Haha, anyway darling you have my memory stick and i want it back so i can upload pics!!!!

hahah, love you sweet bunny that looks like a hamster. ;) <3