VENGEANCE; the painless pleasure

once a pain now's a memory

2010-08-19T15:55:00.002+08:00

hmm, so Ramadhan has finally set forth and here we muslims are fasting for a month and after that, it's celebrations day in day out! hahah. But to be honest, I'm really enjoyin this month cos it seems, not doing anything in the day but sleeping and waking up to pray, its quite fun to get by the days. Not much of a challenge eh ;)

Haha. but anyway, I am now hereby, declared, a qualified first aid-er. Why? Because, i went to take up the first aid course and apparently, passed that thing and now for 3 years, i can do first aid. But not like it matters anyway cos somehow, the idea of people suddenly fainting on the street and needing CPR is not really happening everyday now does it? :D

So what HAVE i been doing really lately? Hmm, lets see, I get up at 2 in the morning, take my bike up to yishun, meet my frens there, and then come back home for sahur, then sleep my way to buka and then nap again. So basically that's my life. Hmm, not much of a life but yeah, I would say its really good, relaxing!

Oh, and I kinda miss the boys from 755 and the times we had. Haha, oh well, thanks to a private info, I realized that a certain someone doesn't want me arnd them anymore. Oh well, sometimes you lose frens and you gain them. Doesn't matter. anyway. Memories are fun to have, and I've learned to not hang or cling or fight for smth which no one would like you to have.

Hmm, I have this problem now at the back of my mind and for 3days in a row, im actually dreaming about her! NO, not a new girl but my ex. Yeah, she's been appearing and reappearing for 3days now and the feelings are rather perplexed. The 1st day i rmb was me and her like the old times, sharing funny jokes and laughters as usual at our happy places, the 2nd day was different, it was us kinda fighting in the dream and she becoming different, in a way, she's turning into who she is NOW. The third day was more of us going our separate ways, she hand-in-hand with a shadow and me just watching them go. Well, I would say its like a summary of my r/s with her. Haha! But it came in 3 days back-to-back. And to be honest, I dun noe why the dreams came back but all I know is that my feelings for her are a secret. :P

If questioned if I am happy this way, I would say, that too is a secret. No matter. I gotta get ready now. Gonna head somewhere cheerful soon and hopefully I can get over her. I mean, to be honest, the r/s was more of drastic change than things falling apart.

I always believe that if you keep making the same mistakes, it just means no one's trying to make amendments and the problem lingers. Well, I am not stubborn; I just feel that my ideas are always better than YOURS! ;)

Take care people. that's the story of how my life has gone on. It sucks but I love you still :(

mistaken identity

2010-08-06T01:00:00.003+08:00

No, i wont try to hide it, I wont try to say it too. But honestly, I didn't want you to club. I dunno why the sudden surge of anger and hate but hey, if i cared for you would you believe?

Its never easy being around you, its never easy to see you again and again. One's happiness is another's sadness. That's the fact. You're happy im not, but what can I do? NOTHING apparently.

OK fine, you have your ways of dealing things I dun think I have mine. Right, you're mad at me, I dunno what to say. Let's put it this way that I not only cared but its this feeling that I can't let out or describe at all.

Right again, that YOU'RE-ALL-SO-GREAT! I cant seem to piece things tgt now as I did last time. I know, I've done a great deal to hurt you. But why am I still hurting even after when there's nothing left? :(

Confession: I didn't wanna be part of your birthday surprise, but I was invited to, not by you but by you-know-who. Reason being, its the least I could do. And one more thing, I didn't join cos I know, I'm not worthy of such things from you any more. Plus like i said, I'd rather hide the feelings now than show it. Cos it doesn't make any more sense to me.

I'm sorry but things are rather difficult for me, I'd hope you come back, but it's not hope that I'll be living on any more. But just a mere fantasy already.

unholy confessions

2010-08-02T10:03:00.002+08:00

yeah, i know i've missed you. But what they hell? Why cant I tell you that I am?

When i look at you, I get cold, when I look at I shiver.
Why?? It's hard.

This all happened after the accident. I dunno, maybe I'm thinking too much.

Perhaps I still have feelings for you. :(

welcome to the family!

2010-07-29T22:07:00.002+08:00

Hey girl,
Do I have your attention?
I know the way I've been living
Life so reckless, tragedy endless
Welcome to the family

Hey, there's something missing
Only time will alter your vision
Never in question, lethal injection
Welcome to the family

Not long ago you'd find the answers were so crystal clear
Within a day you find yourself living in constant fear
Can you look at yourself now?
Can you look at yourself?
You can't win this fight

And in a way it seems there's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb and our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But you can't win this fight

Honestly, this song is really awesome! I cant help but really, this reflects the life im going through now. Its a fight that i've been trying to win but NO! Over and over again, im gettin hurt. What for right?

Hmm, fine you really want me to go away, yeah i'll do that. FOR YOUR SAKE! I'm done here.

round and round and round

2010-07-29T00:01:00.002+08:00

It's been about 5 years since we last met? So now i've finally gotten in touch with you ur still as great as before. People change right? I would agree so myself! I'm definitely looking forward to seeing you and honestly, the things you say are really sweet. Thanks :D

So, there's a particular someone which I'd like to let loose out on. Honestly, if you're smart enough you'd be someone who knows how to control situations like what u used to tell me. But when I come to realize something else about you, I realize that it wasn't what we used to say that we had described about ourselves. We're in two worlds. One, i'm happy living with myself, two, i dunno what's with you. Honestly, i wanna wash away what we had, what we felt and forget you entirely. To be honest, i hate seeing how people use people, but what to do, some are just to blind to see that.

I know now what i must do, which I shudav done a long time ago, but why cant i do that? Hmm. I really wanna understand this deep feeling im having but i know its only a hindrance to what's coming up ahead. I hate the fact we know how we feel inside but somehow, we're stubborn about it. Whatever the situation, I cant face you anymore, not today, not tomorrow, not in the future. I've quit trying and I've given up.

That's it, but I sincerely wished and hope the feelings wont come back. I wanna become numb to you. I dun wanna feel anymore. I just wanna live peacefully for once. THANKS in ADVANCE!

Believe

2010-07-22T23:11:00.002+08:00

I'm still trying to figure out how to tell you I was wrong. I can't fill the emptiness inside since you've been gone. So is it you or is it me?

I know I said things that I didn't mean but you should've known me by now!
You should've known me...

If you believed when I said I'd be better off without you, then you never really knew me at all.
If you believed when I said that I wouldn't be thinking about you, you thought you knew the truth but you're wrong cos you're all that I need.

Just tell me that you still believe..

I can't undo the things that led us to this place but I know there's something more to us than our mistakes so is it you or is it me?

I know I'm so blind when we don't agree but you should've known me by now.

You should've known me cos you're all that I want
Don't you even know me at all?

I'm still lost in a way. But I still believed.

i like this

2010-07-21T00:34:00.002+08:00

okay, i was going through my ex's blog and i happen to stumble upon a familiar post that right now i find it very intriguing. hahah. the post is this:

for a week,i wont have an awful voice to sing me to sleep.
for a week, i wont have a companion to have dinner with.
for a week, i wont have anyone to turn to.
for a week, i wont have someone to kiss, to hug me.
for a week, i wont have anyone to complain to on how tiring work is.
for a week, i wont have someone to call me in the middle of the night to have late supper with.
and for a week, i wont have you for everything.
and that you is only Jass Nureddy Kurniawan. im starting to miss you already,baby. please take care,loverboy. iloveyou :)

so what have understand from this post?

Here it is:

forever, u wont have an awful voice to listen to any more.
forever, u wont have a companion to have dinner with.
forever, u wont have anyone to turn to.
forever, u wont have someone to kiss, to hug you.
forever, u wont have anyone to complain to on how tiring work is.
forever, u wont have someone to call me in the middle of the night to have late supper with.
and forever, you wont have me for everything.
and that me has finally decided that life for himself would be better without her. Only because he knows that there's someone out there who's doing that job for him.

Ahh well, sometimes some people tend to bite down hard on the hands that feed them, well, im not perfect but since she's found her MR PERFECTO then who am I to stand in their way right?

I'm just a past, a figment of her imagination and subconsciously created to form hatred illusions. Sooooo what do I think of her now? I guess I am only thinking of how she was perfect at kicking the shit out of me and making my world turn upside down; in other words, played me out.

Ah well, I guess its not a first that she's done this to other guys, let alone me right? Who's fault? None to decide now. Oh well, a simple story of how life must go on.

PLUS! I have a new companion now with me. hehe, and ima definitely take good care of her. :) she's a bomb! Wooohoooo!!!!!!!

man are man, women are women

2010-07-14T01:05:00.002+08:00

She said she had a hard time letting go?? hahaha. that's soooo weird. Thinkin that she let go like as though it was only yesterday we were tgt. Ah fine, she'll have something to say but doesnt matter. We're not here to talk about her. She's just another closed story in my bingo books. HEH!

Anyway, here's the downside about life, it seems that after a longggggg uncertain and abruptly ended relationship, you tend to open your eyes a little more wider than usual. I had this realization that most girls or women tend to be very flirtatious or being very extra attractive when it comes to the boys, esp those who just finished a r/s. Now, like all men, we are semi-attracted to this scent and in a way, it becomes very obvious that someone's hitting on someone. I've had my fair share of maidens but then again, after knowing what they are, it seems that these fairly maidens are none other than monsters. hahah. okay, so maybe monster's not the right word to use but rather very obnoxious towards men. It's weird.

Doesn't matter, I seem to be able to find peace in MCR's, A7X ans Skillet's songs whenever I listen to them. Bullet For My Valentine's harsh but its okay too. Their song kinda makes me know what to do and how to get over this bitch that's in my head and move on with this boring fucking life of mine. Haha, so Zacky says, if she shoves you, you break her arm, if she kicks you, you break her head, but if she pierces ur heart, than u just seal it with glue. Fucking barstard cant give a more serious help now can he?

Ahh well, like I said, when you break up, you discover what she's like with her friends, esp her guy frens, you should check out her FB. Notice how all her old crushes comes flopping back one by one like some sorrow losers craving for her attention hahah. MY GOD, SHE'S BEING WORSHIPPED LIKE A BEAUTY PAGEANT. and i used to be with this kind of girl? hahaha, that sickens me in fact. But what about My FB? hahah, no updates, just waiting to rot. Okay doesn't matter, she'll think she's wanted in life and im not but what gives? She's the ring leader, and im just your plain average guy in life.

Its cool that she chose to let go, one fren told me its not my fault but her lost, I told her, cant be cause i made the mistake and she calmly said," you did the right thing in admitting ur mistake, but she's dumb to not see it." after that line i was like...."Wow...." in my own world. I mean, it didnt come across me that way at all but ya, she did mentioned that personality problems are part of a person being ego, so i guess its safe to say she has personality issues about herself. In a way, she thinks she's high and majestic, and looks down on fallen souls. LOL.

What gives anyway right? She's just another girl, that's to put it bluntly across to those reading this, but to put it in a more complex manner, she's a girl that's no different from your any other girls, so what makes a girl different and special?

That's what I need to find out and certainly it seems I am getting closer to knowing that answer.

it still hurts

2010-07-12T00:38:00.002+08:00

Its strange that almost after one month of the break up and I am still feeling the stupid effects. It's the first that I am feeling like this and I never really have imagined that it would be this tough to actually get over and accept that she's gone.

I would like to imagine that process, but I cant. Hmm, it actually saddens me more than anything else because somehow, songs that I listen to makes sense. It has a greater impact to the lyrics and I kinda can relate to how the artist feels, or rather how they can relate to how I feel. Doesn't matter.

I know I did make mistakes, I mean who doesn't but then again, I'd like to make up for these mistakes. But is it that difficult? Maybe it is.

I dun wanna talk much but if its moving that I am suppose to do. I'll try, but no guarantee that I can because, she's the only girl that I could love this long and care still even after breaking up.

It's weird...but I know she doesn't feel the same at all. :) Im glad that she's much more stronger than me. hehe.

Reality Check..!

2010-06-03T21:33:00.002+08:00

I woke up one day feeling really good because now its the holidays and we're on a 2 weeks term break. So of course, time wasn't really a factor in which I needed to care more or less about, just taking my time with things slowly and steadily, as if time is in the palm of my hand!

Anyway, so far so good. Been having a great time with my lover, her family and of course with myself. Oh and just for fyi purposes, I just got my hair done and well, I guess I could say I look good (like finally...).

Haha, I just can't explain this awesome happiness inside of me. Because, I realize when I am rather busy, I tend to leave my babygirl out because I am always pre-occupied with things on my mind, like getting worksheets done, finding informations for the ppt and such. But now the holidays are here, I realize that I needa spend more time with that cute little babygirl of mine. It's not like everyday we get to go out and enjoy like how we used to, but realizing that we're growing up and having more responsibilities resting on our shoulders, I dare say that we are indeed becoming adults soon and living the live of one.

But of course, we're only 19++ so ya, adulthood is maybe around the corner or maybe just a little more up ahead. I guess it'll come soon, eventually.

I had fun and the fun I would say is beyond fun fun, well basically I had a lot of fun la, so please imagine my fun bar. On tuesday, 1st of June 2010. I finally went out the whole day with my love. And yes I mean the whole day! We met up around 12 in the afternoon and headed on down to pacific plaza, orchard for our first ever facial experience together! It wasn't as good as we thought it'll be but I could see difference in our face. Then headed to puncak for lunch and then off to walk walk walk along orchard road. It was fun cause we laughed a lot, had pains on our feet but it was worth it, walked a lot, laugh a lot, made fun of each other and finally caught the movie Prince of Persia! Awesome movie I must say. Yea then after the movie, went to get my hair done.

So liked I said. We spend the whole day with each other and it was well spent with that babygirl of mine! I cant say how much I love her, because we are really deeply in love to explain the level of our love. Also, we enjoyed spending time together that we indeed forget time and dunno what tired is.

It is fun to see her smile and laugh cos I will too laugh and smile along side this girl of mine, we would also disturb each other and make funny remarks about each other.

Sayang, if you read this, I wanna say, with the bottom of my heart, I love you! There's no one in this world that would stand a chance in replacing you and no one will ever be able to put up to ur level. You are the greatest baby ku. And of course this busyuk baby love of mine, never fails to light up my day. Muacks sayang! <3

just another day

2010-05-20T10:37:00.002+08:00

I don't reallly have much to say recently, because so far everything has been the same. It's like a movie being replayed over and over again. It doesn't seem to be different. But well, there are times where there are things just to make your life a bit more surprising than what it used to be. Like take UTs for example, -.- boring but somehow it changes my schedule for school.

That's one, maybe, go shopping, or catch a movie, or maybe head out for lunch somewhere with my pals, in a way, it changes the daily routine. But I guess it is just me feeling the heat, I kinda feel like im doing things day in day out, like a robot. But of course there's this one particular person that actually changes my routine almost everyday.

Hehe, that baby busyuk girl of mine always has her ways to make things different. And the best part is, whenever I see her, time always seemed to be a stand still. In a way, just living for that moment between me and her. Its amazing, even till today, where we've known each other for so long, it still feels like I've just met her! It's cool and amazing. :)

I Love You Darling!

Hello hello hello...

2010-04-12T16:42:00.001+08:00

Yea, like the blog title suggests, I've been away for too long, much too long to actually know and keep track of the events that I've been absent from. Well, Just know that I am enjoying now with my last few days of my holidays and it sure is getting more and more closer to the start of the school term. Anyways, my babygirl's having her attachment now till about in September, so I guess I'll be heading to school alone and spending most of my time knowing my new friends. Well, its time to grow up right? Yea so I'll try and hit ya back asap, but no promises, cos i still wanna enjoy the moment before I start my semester later this week on the 15th!

To whom this may concern

2010-02-05T13:45:00.002+08:00

NORASMALINA BTE AHMAD

I personally bold your name so that there wont be any mistakes that im referring to you. I dunno wats ur problem with my girl but to heck with it. Because now since you decide to go a step further and taking things into ur own hands and deciding to bring me in then I would say that's a step not turning back.

You think walking around with your group, showing off ur flare is a good thing? You think ur hotter than Jessica Alba? Oh wait, i think wait that's too far to gauge, maybe we'll bring it back to something closer to home k? You think ur as hot as the girl who poses topless with her boyfriend? HAHA! at least her's are rather firm and she's cute. What you think about urs? Hmmm...I'll leave you to decide.

But then again uh, i wonder if you're attached. I wonder if any BOY ever laid eyes on you. Even the most ugly or most FAT guy here wouldn't want someone like YOU! Why? I guess ur just full of yourself. you're just full of your ego that you cant personally bring it down and you need someone else to help you.

Fine, call me a dog, call my girl a bitch, I dun care. These are all labels which losers like you and your CHARLIE ANGELS have for people like us. Come on, we have our own life to live by, what do you think when you said we're dogs in society and that we only have each other to live by with.

Eh let me tell you uh, at least I HAVE SOMEONE to live my life with and least my friends stand by me and strangers dun find me a pest like how i find you.

Well, I dun really wanna write out a long post about pests like you because then that would mean bringing myself lower to your standards. Well, I would solely recommend some soul searching to be done on your part. And if you really wanna carry with this kind of life then i cant stop you. But when you wanna label someone, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Look yourself up in the mirror and see where you stand.

If you wanna get personal with me, my doors are open to YOU and dun blame me for hurting you and making your fat face cry alright?

Enough said, if you wanna sort this out properly then by all means come, you know how to look for me.

Hong Kong Baby!

2010-01-28T13:34:00.006+08:00

Apart from the long night with my babygirl before the trip, I do feel that the flight was rather short and when the plane took off, I didn’t really know whether I was imagining the plane flying or was it really true. But after around 3hr 45mins, we landed in Hong Kong.

The service that jetstar provided wasn’t what I had imagined. No food, no water, just seats and a long awaited landing place. Apart from that, the captain announced the temperature of the country. 6 degrees and slight drizzle. Well, it was true and it was rather cold feeling the rain drops on my face.

Hehe, I miss my babygirl loads but I can’t seem to get to her. No doubt the 1st day here’s fun but im rather sleepy now and I am really tired. Hehe. We went shopping though earlier and it was really really fun!! Hehe. Food here too really not much of a complain but im still waiting for better food though haha!

Well, during the stay there were loads of fun which me and my younger brother really enjoyed! We ate a lot, run a lot and even made funny jokes out of people together. Well, you all may wonder about the parents part and why aren't they like in the list of fun activities right? In fact, you should know the old people and their thinking, very hard to find the right connection with you.

Haha, anyway, I shan't talk so much, Im just gonna upload pictures and you go see them yourself alright?

oh yea, more pictures will be uploaded on my facebook, if you have time do check it out. :)

The Family

that's my brother

that's a SMOKING area :)

my dad in the shopping area

my lovely mother haha!

back to the days....

2010-01-04T15:20:00.002+08:00

Hello hello hello! I know I should have been updating over what i've been doing during the holidays but i just dun seem to have the time to actually blog a bout it. There's so many things that happened and so many things to remember. I will try to go as far back as to try to remember what went on during the hols. :)

Okay, 21st Dec, the day me and babygirl when to our farm resort to have our couple holiday. The day where both of us longed for and really wanted the day to come asap. Well, the time wasn't just spent staying at the farm and staring at nature around us but what we did was also to have our 1st spa together and it was really fun. The feeling at the start was awkward for both of us but at the end it was great! So far, our holidays were great and we definitely enjoyed each other's time together.

Next in line was having a day out with my family, which was the same week on the weekends. Well, babygirl and her family went away to kota tinggi for their christmas break and my family went over to my aunt's place to celebrate the occasion. Well, it wasn't as fun as the other years but I sure did see a lot of changes between the families and my cousins.

The following day, Saturday, I went out with my family and my dad's colleague wanted to know what was it like in JB so we took their family out into JB to see what it was like. And sooner did I know, my cousin, Hanif, called and he had signed me up into one of Johore's futsal tournaments.

That Saturday night, I went in JB again and stayed over. Sunday morning the competition starts and sure ir's definitely different than the ones in Singapore. The standard the malaysians set are way higher than the Singaporeans. And I really did learn a lot from their playing style and habit and the rough-ness that they showed in their games.

Tuesday night was then spent hanging out with he boys from the area. Okay, nothing interesting there, but I guess spending time with them was indeed an awesome time. Okay so then comes Wednesday where we planned an outing together to go to the Jurong East swimming complex. Where fun and laughters are always around. Then at night we head on down to Henderson Waves and Marina Barrage, and to sum it all up, we had i dunno breakfast or supper at Sembawang before heading home for our rest. The time that time was 530am when I crashed into my bed :)

New Year's Eve was celebrated by me coming over to entertained Wani before me and Babylove headed out for the celebrations. But for and unforeseen circumstances, babylove's brother had to go to the hospital because of his severe diarrhea and vomiting problems. But nonetheless it was okay, I take that kid like my own brother and of course you feel worried when this kinda problems happens.

So after he is well rested it the ward, we went down to marina to catch the fireworks, and it was a beautiful sight. I suddenly had a surged through me that im gonna be 19 soon and that 2009 was over. It was that feeling of excitement to have and I am surely looking forward to creating a better year for myself.

Apart from that New year was spent by watching a 3am movie Avatar (3D) and it was fun. Oh ya, before that we had dinner with babylove's family at the railway station. Good food!!!! :D

So on the 1st of January 2010, I was home at noon. Sleeping till about 4pm before heading out for one of my uncle's wedding. I couldn't sleep as usual at night so I went out for late supper and met Babylove at her place.

Well so far, there's more to write about but I'm getting sleepy actually.

Saturday and Sunday of the new year, I spent hanging out most with Babylove and also had soccer with the boys on sunday. Well, yesterday i went out with babylove and her family and boy i can tell you I sure had a lot of fun!!

So, to conclude, the last few weeks of my holidays were superb and I really did enjoy my 2009.

Meeting this beautiful girl of mine and knowing her was more than just a good memory to take away from 2009. All in all, I had the best year!

Im now just looking forward to a new and improve one.....

Stress Management?

2009-12-10T14:09:00.002+08:00

Haha, i have seriously a lot of stress right now, both from grades and my other side of life.

Okay, babylove's been fine with me. I love her so much that I wanna squeeze her till her eyes pop out. Well not literally but rather just my figure of speech.

Okay, so school has this event of holding kampung games like chapteh, goli-goli and even gasing!

Guess wat, that's the stress reliever that I use to actually help me get away from the hectic life and mind boggling problems that Im facing. Well, i tried it out the 1st time, cant get it right but after many tries and wooo! Im addicted to that. Now i know why my dad loves the kampung days.

Games that time just seem to take ur breathe away. Okay a bit over with the last statement but honestly it was fun, although its just throwing and wining of the tops but its good and fun :)

Anyway babylove saw me playing it earlier and she joined, well unlike me, I helped her out and guided her and guess wat? First throw and she made it! hahaha.

Okay gotta present now......

that girl

2009-12-07T14:37:00.004+08:00

Lets see, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday! Four days full of love with my love one:) how shiok is that? hahaha. well to be honest, no words can actually really describe our time. Just to fill u in, thursday we did our hair tgt. She going back into her cutest bangs ever and me high-lighting and having a trim down to improve the shape and style of the hair.

And at night well, I wanted to send my buddy P off so she too wanna tag along so we had a drive down to the airport to see P off back to australia. Anyway, the trip back was even more interesting, she sleeping at the back, me speeding along the highway. 150km/h bro! hahah, 30mins to airport, and 10mins back home. how? KAU KAU PE?? hehehe.

And the best is yet to come, friday babygirl wanna go out, i was too tired to tag along, so i went home to slp. Haha, and later at night she wanted to get a gift for me and it was meant for a surprise but i ruined it by actually appearing at the scene. Haha, but anyway, im still surprised babygirl got me my jacket! which is really wat i wanted hehe!

So then comes Sat, baking and dating! how's that for a combo saturday. Hehe, babylove came to my place and then we made butter cake again and this time round its much better than the previous time. My parents loved it, and the the maid ate the whole damn cake for the family! What a bummer...!

Then later on at night, it was night out at marina barrage and it was fun. I haven't really spend a lot of time with her and the night was a good night for us to let loose from our hectic work and live. Well, we did ran into some form of misunderstanding towards the end but it's all solved now.

:)

a new beginning?

2009-11-23T14:31:00.002+08:00

So we just got better over the weekends and the traces of both anger and sadness still lingers here and there but just as most couple ought to know, things will definitely get better in time to come.

Why do i have such confidence to say that line is cause, i for one, knows where i stand in this relationship. yea probably my 30 pointers of a relationship take away can help one understand why one gets into a relationship in the first place. Not to brag, not to make things seem impossible but just as sometimes when things all just seems right, something somewhere has to break apart and it collapses, and of course putting the couple back into building up the foundation mode, making it better and stronger than the last.

So, that's what me and my baby are doing right now. Sure i've been a fag before and sometimes she being a snag but I guess it's cause we love each other well to know the flaws between ourselves and work our way together right love?

Anyway, our relationship so far is one of the best I've had in my years. I feel very energetic and even when we're fighting, I still have the will power to fight on and try and get a grip on what's happening.

To end the fight, we headed down to Zouk for Benny Benassi's performance and sure it was a hell of a night. We had a promise, no, I had a promise to myself that I'd stop the clubbing nights and lead a life without the enjoyment of alcohol every other weekends but the thing is that day was a different day. Babygirl somehow wanted to come, I was both glad and surprised that she made that decision. I know she's not the kind that spend times around heavy duty sub-woofers with hugh smoke machines shooting at ur face and also having huge crowds around you to jostle and dance for space. She's the kind that spends her time with people who are down to earth and doesnt need extra ingredients in their blood to set the mood. I just love my babygirl's wonder :)

So we had a night of fun tgt, for the 1st time in 6th Months i actually stepped back into the club and boy was is good to smell the smoked-filled machine blasting air-conditioned room. hehe. Yea, I missed the times. But its okay, I'm still enjoying my life with my girl.

So Sunday wasn't really much of a hoo-haa, but i sure did enjoy the time spent at home. Mummy made pies and egg tarts and I spent my time watching Ben 10 from 3-5pm and it was really really good. The night came fast and I was out with Naresh and Syafiq in and around Yishun. Just sitting back and chatting with years to come of how our lives have changed.

We talked about almost everything, and when the topic about Soccer came up, I really felt the jeolousy among the conversation. Well, I didn't want to pursue my career as a footballer, but the two knew I had it in me. It's just, I haven't really let myself out to play like how I used to and I dunno if that time will ever come again.

Apart from that, I missed my babygirl every now so often. I really missed the times we used to laugh together and sleeping under the stars with me shivering in the cold and she nicely tug in under my jacket. Hehe! :)

Yea, i do agree I sacrificed a lot for this almost-perfect little princess. But Im glad to say, the sacrifices made are well worth it.

I do feel that now darling, we're entering into a new level of our relationship, where we have less time for each other and mostly communication through the phone. Well, soon you're gonna be away for attachment and me in school settling my GPA and of course finishing up my PP and FYP. I wish you best of luck in the coming months darling. But before our hectic life schedule gets under way, I wish for a night of romance with just me and you and nature.

Let's runaway for the moment and enjoy the company together love :)

What say you?

my takeaway

2009-11-21T01:26:00.002+08:00

so as far as i hate for the day to come, it has finally came with a huge curtain raiser but no crowd to applause to or even to give a reason.

Yes, the show has ended, no more fights, no more laugh, no more love.

What more could i fight for? What more could i ask for? None...

But apart from the sadness, i did learn a thing or two about this almost perfect relationship.

The 1st thing, when you know you cant handle something don't use ur ego as an excuse to do it.

No 2. When you know the going gets tough, back down and you can see that there's actually other fishes in the sea.

No 3. If you can, don't give in too much, or else you won't get you just deserts.

No 4. Be kind, but don't be too kind.

No 5. When you're sweet, don't become sour. ( A huge turn off)

No 6. Just stick to your own frens.

No 7. Don't be shy to let loose, let ppl look at you from their perspective.

No 8. Be yourself, try not to be someone for somebody.

No 9. Learn to master a skill.

No 10. DON'T COMPARE!

No 11. When you listen, listen half, the other you make the decision.

No 12. Accomplish something for yourself, not for someone.

No 13. Do what you do best.

No 14. Don't expect something in return. I.E. when u surprise someone, don't expect a smile or a laugh...just expect the unexpected.

No 15. Set higher bench mark to achieve.

No 16. When you fight, NEVER NEVER give in!

No 17. Repeat mistakes are a no-no!

No 18. When you lose, admit defeat.

No 19. Stand strong, and don't be in denial.

No 20. Play your own game.

No 21. When you love, love half. ( Really, you wont feel it when it ends)

No 22. Confide things to yourself.

No 23. Your path, if someone wants to join, allow them, if they don't, fuck them up!

No 24. Repeat your strengths.

No 25. Love only when you know you're being loved.

No 26. Don't remember your past.

No 27. Look forward to what you have not what you don't have.

No 28. Don't give yourself a reason to stop.

No 29. Don't learn to forgive.

and lastly,

Always remember the person who manages to put you into the mentioned above. If you look carefully and read and understand, you will know that I went through a lot.

The last pointer to remember would be,

Don't you dare forget who SITI SYAHIRAH is because she's the one that has been sweet and kind all this while and I played the devil in hurting her.

Well that's all folks. I know, I sound like a pathetic fool, but hey, after this relationship. I know where I stand now. ;)

Adios peep dwellers.

the reason is you

2009-11-20T15:41:00.002+08:00

Not like I love bragging that we're fighting. Not like Im blind to what you're going through. It's just the thought of guessing and asking is a different thing. If I have to always ask you to spell everything out to me is the thing that makes me tick, then I can tell you, your dead wrong. Like what we vow at the start, to not hide anything we feel, I stuck to that vow. U you told me, if Im unhappy about something, voice it out. I did! I was unhappy about ur feelings, I was unhappy about what I did, I let you knew about it. But what did you tell me in return? Instead of confronting my actions, you took it to another level. Bringing back the past and claiming it was the best. Well, the past is the past, and let me remind you that we agreed on a new beginning, and let the past stay as it is. But what is there to look forward to every time I admit my mistake, it ends up like this. Well, about your friend indeed I was the cause of it, but hey, at the end of the day, both of you made a decision which I, for once, didn't force you into losing her. You think I smile silently about you losing your long term friends? You think I like the way that you're making and losing friends? Please, I rather you have friends and me none, cause why, all I need is you. You would disagree and tell me your frens are better and Im nothing compared to them, but have you allowed me to come up to their level, to show you what I meant by im as good as them? I guess not. And don't say i complain a lot about this and that, Im only questioning. And if questioning you begets other reasoning for us to fight then should I question or just react accordingly?

I know you're tired of telling me things to do and what not to do. But come on, a compliment or a remark would be nice in giving me the heads up on what's what. I dun need telling, i dun need reasoning, but what i need is compensation and a feeling that your there. Im sure you're much more brilliant than just running away.

the battlefield of love

2009-11-20T13:53:00.002+08:00

"Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battlefield"
- Jordin Sparks

Well, just like those words above, one moment it was love, the next it was a war.

All hell break lose, when the truth emerge within the depths. It was fun at the start, having supper, and watching Daddy at home, when my hunches got the batter of me.

I'm afraid, im lost. Im actually fighting this war without any armory or shields. No words of comfort can actually help me in fact, only those of her words are satisfactory.

How can I bring about myself to face her? When so many wrongs are pointing at me, when I have nothing to block myself against. I only can imagine a life now gone without her. Im killed within by her feelings. It's like a sharp blade of knife stabbed through the heart and killing me at that instance.

I wanna say im immune to it, but i can't. I wanna say i can handle this but i know i cant either. The only thing i have left are my morals and a slight glimpse of hope. I cant go on like this where the war i know would be hard before it came to an end.

I've been trained to be physically strong, but mentally, im just like any other who's weak and cant handle that intense fighting.

YEs there should be war, but is it worth the fight? Is it worth fighting for a love that's so pure and free?

Is it worth fighting for the same reason as eating?

I know my part was wrong that inflicted this war, but then again, was initiating the truth a right thing to do? Or should I have actually kept my mouth shut and dun even question her rights? I'm regretting what i've done but is it too late to regret?

I just hope for a better chance and I hope for her again.

I just wished the love of my life would return and say those 3 words which i suddenly miss within the battle to survive.

I just wanna scream

2009-11-19T19:02:00.003+08:00

So here I am back, about to explode into some kind of a world that I dunno whether makes sense to me or not.

Irritatingly, I woke up to a day where fever, headaches and body aches all came at once just to make me feel so depressed about the thursday feeling. Well, today's suppose to be the day where me and babygirl would meet. Today's the only day where i can get to see her as long as i like but in the end, i had to stay at home and rest -.-!! bummer...pffft!

Well, i woke up, fever gone but headache's still killing me so babygirl told me to go see a doc to get it settled, i did but along the way, i almost blacked out. Scary feeling and i told babygirl about this and she got worried, so she told me to wait for her to come instead and accompanied me to see the doctor. Sweet ain't she? hehe.♥♥♥

OKay, so after the appointment went straight back to my place where she could look after me and see how i was doing. Ah well, instead of looking after me, she indulge in herself with the movie confession of a shopaholic and left me there to sleep. :(

well, i couldn't of course just go to sleep like that cos its just plain rude when u have guest around, so i stayed up and tried to accompany her instead. Well, i had aches in my body and i asked her for a massage but she only said she lazy and would do it after the show. So...sad as i can get, i let her be, while i did my own thing, which is to try and sleep.

Frustration then got the better of me, she's like movie-ing happily, me just finds all the pains really frustrating, i wanna tell her about it but i'd noe she would just tell me to rest. How can u rest when there's a lot of pain???

Sighh...know smth, nowadays i am scared. Nowadays i feel very empty, very shallow, like no life to it. I am scared to say things to her, knowing how she would feel and react after that makes me scared. I respect her a lot and I dunno if she does the same to me. I feel at times left out, she with all the happiness and me just lonesome and fearful.

I dun really know what im afraid of or why i get this feeling recently. Is it because of the latest happenings and no one to actually talk to about? Or is it just my mind giving me a lot of racketing and it just cant shut up.

I feel there's something amiss recently but i cant point the finger at it. Maybe it's me. I dunno. I just need to shout at something or someone, but that voice dun really wanna come out. there's a block inside of me which i wanna get rid off but cant.

I miss the times we shared dear, but have we gone off and now Im lost? I dunno, time heals, and time tells, but do i have time?

I just wanna be quiet and not say a thing or two. Because every time i make a decision, it just doesn't have that sweet taste. Something's wrong but I dunno. Help me if you can....

I miss you and your love babygirl.

I miss ♥Syahirah♥ a lot....!

:(

happiness in the making

2009-11-11T13:24:00.003+08:00

It's been so long since I last felt the feeling which indeed haven't really made me feel. That happiness and the closeness which I long to feel have yet to be felt. Although it was just days ago that I had my 6th Months with my babygirl.

You know when the other party holds you close, tells you your the most special, and also lets you know that there's always somewhere there to stand by you to assure you that you won't be lonely and to confirm with you that there's nothing else in this world that can replace you.

The 6th month marks the start of that moment. Where we had lots of fun at the beach and at sentosa. Learning a lot from each other and also we had rides that dictates each other's longing.

It was fun indeed, I felt like the world just came to a stand still that the moment was just between us. Many things have been said and shared, it was amazing. Even to have her to communicate to me in chinese is really very amazing.

And to top it off, learning that pain may sometimes need to rest and that its time for happiness to be surfaced again makes my heart grow more for her. It is really cool to see your very own babygirl actually smile to your actions, becomes very agitated with how you look and also hug you with tenderness. It just makes the love blossom even more.

Though time has been hard on us but I do feel that those hardships are worth the struggle. And for once I could really compliment you for being my most precious and my most cherished lover.

I wish to carry on far with you and may all the dreams we have with each other come true.

I LOVE YOU! :)

that honey coated bunny

2009-11-04T14:25:00.003+08:00

finally, i got this blog skin back, I dunno what went wrong the last time round but now seems to be fine. Earlier was really weird, I had to rush to jurong to collect my mum's ordered computer and i swear it was really really troublesome.

Anyway, i broke one of the moniter stand by accident while cornering earlier so ya. :D

Okay so, the past few days was really fun and very very very happening. First off, a fren of mine just got engaged and i didn't really see that side of her before and it was really cool. Well i didn't really get to see the whole ceremony cause my babygirl wanted to go see her fren.

Hee, so yea, drove to pick up the mum and co, then headed to tiong baru where their home was. Okay, so ya, we got lost and was driving around and around like a fool. HAHA!

Well, it was really great having my babygirl with me around. I dunno about her cos she says she gets tired of seeing me everyday. I dunno I don't, I guess im ready to be her hubby, hehe. okay, lame that's like so sweepy. Oh well. hehe. but all the more, i dun get sick of her. and I really really love her to always be by my side.

Haha, anyway darling you have my memory stick and i want it back so i can upload pics!!!!

hahah, love you sweet bunny that looks like a hamster. ;) <3

2009-10-27T00:13:00.005+08:00

My Babygirl,

Siti Syahirah Bte Md Salim :D

The fact of the matter is that you will want to always be there and will want to always stand by someone's side, and to see that someone smiling. I do have to say that at times, I am seriously, very very very stupid in decision makings. The funny thing about me is that I love criticizing, I love to stereotype, but when it comes down to my own little world, I become very naive and true to the word I am :)

Well okay, I maybe naive and at times silly, but I do have to say, I've been really enjoying myself this past week. I first drew myself a circle full of miseries and stress because of the stupid car which I accidentally scratched, quite dumb of me to be exact, but hey, everyone makes mistakes right? Haha. so okay, i gotta go get the damaged done and guess what, im broke after all the repairs, fueling up and spending. But its worth the exp, it made my life turn a whole new page.

Well, babygirl happened to suffer a few problems back at home, and as a boyfriend what did I do? Hmmm...let me take a moment to think uh....well, i did NOTHING! Like WTF?! My own gf's suffering and here I am, wrecking my mind out for a solution to help her, but well, I did something though, which is to be there when she needed me and also try and get her to smile and laugh to ease out the stress she's feeling. Well, I guessed it worked and I hope she's really strong enough to follow through, which I know my babygirl is. Anyway, through these times we share, I suddenly realize one thing earlier at dinner. I never really knew what that feeling of love really felt like and while talking to my mum about my girl, I suddenly had this floating feeling that surge through my mind that I am in LOVE! And yes, in love to that amazing girl that never fails to a put an endless smile to my face :D

You know something babygirl, though its almost to our 6th month, I do feel like a satisfied person. Seeing how ur little actions can make me smile has really put all my worries away. "Geram nye aku ngan bibir kau!!" this little sentence here is enough to make me feel and go speechless. I've watched you gain and lose friends but one thing's for certain is that, I don't wanna lose you and I hope you do the same.

It's amazing how trips can bring us closer together and how Bestfriends actually pull us even closer than usual, and I am definitely proud to have someone like you and I'll continue to love and cherish every moment with you, be it happy or sad.

It's all in the name of love and from here on out, I'm gonna heed ur every call and to the sound of your whispering voice.

I Love You :)

2009-10-26T13:52:00.002+08:00

hello hello hello! So long already I haven't really updated this website. Well, for those who don't know about this, I have a blog and have been writing in solitude, keeping it only to those who knew about me.

Oh well, I'm still trying out different options with the blog but for now, this is what I'm gonna post :)

I'll update soon.

2009-07-31T15:01:00.001+08:00

Attention ALL

TO ALL PLEASE NOTE:

I HAVE BEEN OWNED BY MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAVE TO ADMIT IT, SHE'S DAMN GOOD!

3 TIMES AND SERIOUSLY...!! :)

2009-07-24T14:39:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a really awesome feeling that I knew I didn't feel for so long. And it's thanks to that girl that I got that feeling again ;) I really thank you sweetheart, u've never fail to put a smile on my face.

So UT was an easy way through the whole time, class was fine and the greatest thing of all was work. Work could never have been as interesting as it could possibly be. I never thought work could be so competitive and sales target yesterday would be to raise 7k by 1030pm! which was virtually impossible. But okay, we manage to raise about 5k or so and yesterday was never a problem with the counter, cos usually i have problems there. But okay, yesterday's was the first time that I pulled through the counter! Well, supervisor still a pain in the ass. And if time will to come, I hope he'll be lying in some threshold covered up in his own blood. That's how much hate I have for him.

So far, I've been quite happy with all that's around me, though some friends are really missed and some of my close buddies are now seemed lost in time. But there are still news here and there that they are still meeting up occasionally and sometimes i am just too caught up with my commitments I just don't have time for them. Well, all I can be honest to myself is that although I still miss them and wished we were still the old fags in school up to nonsenses that we love doing and running from DMs just to keep that thrill in, but we all know, its time to move on and get on with life. I love the thought about my new life now. Having fun with my girlfriend, thinking of ways to damn each other with weird comments and challenges. Thinking that everyday would be the same but no, it was always different.

Which then leads me to this. I woke up this morning to the feeling of guilt, a sense of responsibility that I should be the putting my feet forward but instead pulled it back because of complacency but however, it all just started, I believe to be downright my fault. No fingers pointing at anyone, I blame myself for all the late-comings and no encouragement for improvement. I cannot say much but all I can say is that every problem has its solution.

So lunch felt very funny today, 2 different groups but when we were together, I sense a different you. A you in which I knew something was wrong but seeing the smile on your face makes everything blissful again, but deep down, we both know there's no hiding from that truth of feeling down.

No topics, no arguments, no looking forward to anything but what we felt, I believe, would be the same, an emptiness that we both are feeling right now. Maybe it takes two hands to clap in order to get things right or is just a one-sided party that needs to buck up?

I don't really know what's going on. I just know now as time improves, my feelings are very fragile all of a sudden. I do feel that something needs to be done sooner or later it wouldn't be as effective as before. I need that body next to me, I need that warmth again that I love feeling of, but how late or how early would I feel it again I dunno.

Guys, I miss you and if you are reading this I need your help once again.

Baby, I'm sorry for not pushing you to improve. No words can tell you now that I miss you and your smiles.

~time won't heal that scar, only you can~

eddy

2009-06-26T22:03:00.002+08:00

K its been awhile since i came here to let u all in to the juicy news about my life. Well there's nothing much that I really can say anyway, but really I am enjoying life like no other way I could enjoy it.

A wonderful girlfriend that I have, sure there are always this problem of us misunderstanding but since when were couples soooo perfect that they wont have any fights that would actually not arise?

If there's any couple out there that's like that, PLEASE let me noe. haha. i really wanna noe eh.

Okay, other than the love life, I have been lately involve in a few activities. Like for eg, working, soccer and other stuffs like being busy with commitments that come and go so i do need good time management here and there.

Well, yesterday was quite fun, went out with the RP-lians. With my classmates actually and we had fun watching transformers! The movie's really worth every penny you spend on your ticket and there was no room for intervals at all. And the reaction that Adham had when Optimus Prime died was really classic. Haha! I never knew that soft side of him. Awwww..!! hehe.

Ah well, overall i do felt kinda weird when leaving my girl at home and me out enjoying myself, felt sooo empty that i know i didnt noe how to feel every time i think about her. Oh well, all i noe was, after the movie yesterday, i really needed her badly that i felt sooo lost.

Anyway, birthday here, birthday there, birthday everywhere. So many birthdays round the corners and so little time. I really wanna know why certain babies are born so close to each other.

Or wait let me rephrase, why do i meet so many ppl that have the same birthdays in the same month and almost back to back?

Anyway, Im very happy to have so many friends around me and i never did regret having them as buddies and close people. All I can say is that. Its time for new things to happen.

2009-06-13T15:23:00.002+08:00

This morning my baby girl left with her family to Malacca for a family road trip I guess, 6am in the morning her msg came in. I wasn't able to read nor reply her, it was sad for me that I couldn't get to say what I wanted to say to her.

But nonetheless I have training later and I'm gonna try I spend the rest day occupying my time with whatever I can do just to get by the time and close down the day she would return to Singapore again.

The thing I love most about my baby is that we would spend our time doing things that most couples wouldn't do together, that is, to talk about bullshits stuffs together, eye candies, even talking about the trees would be an interest for us in our conversational topics. We could spend hours just lying down and talking about nothing but stuffs till we're both tired and we can fall asleep right there under the starlit sky.

There was even once when we were talking about random objects, we fell aslp and awoke 2 hours later at the same place and both of us needed to be home but we felt that our company was far better than the comfort of our bed. We laughed at the thought that we slept there not knowing time flew just like that and to realize that she was lying in my arms the whole time was loving. Indeed it was uncomfortable lying on that hard piece of plastic but somehow that discomfort was pushed away by love and happiness for that moment.

A song that I was listening just now caught my attention in the chorus, and it goes like this:

"I am the man who will fight for your honour,

I'll be the hero that you've

been dreaming off.

We'll live forever,

Knowing together that we,

Did it all,

For The Glory Of Love"

Cute as it seemed, but that's how I am feeling for her. Time will soon reveal itself about how we are progressing and soon we will know how to love and care for each other more than what we are doing now.

I cant wait for her msg to come in tomorrow, and I am definitely missing her more than I can miss her. I am waiting for her to run back into my arms and say those 3 words that will make my knees weak.

To top it all off,

I miss everything about my baby!

2009-06-12T23:16:00.003+08:00

Been wanting to actually update this fello for awhile but somehow i've been really caught up with a lot of stuffs recently. Of course I ain't gonna be like my babygirl to blog out every single thing that happened over the past 2 weeks of our hols. but instead im gonna just go for moments that are very meaningful and close to our hearts <3

HAPPY 1ST MONTH BABY

this here just so happens to be the love of my life that i would never have dreamt about having. she knows how to put that smile on my face every time we meet and she knows how to make even the slightest sadness go away.

Indeed i must say that we've only been together for a month but the problems that we go through would never have been compared to those who would have a experienced their 1st month as couples.

Problems come and go and we would always be ready to face these together and for once, I finally feel peace at heart and a sense in belonging whenever I'm with her. We would fight over the slightest issues and would blow it up into a major one. But what's a relationship without fights worth?

I can still remember very clearly the things she told me about herself. And that she has many other suitors that followed her closely. I knew this girl would never be an easy catch but it was all worth it. She's the kind that would never fail to make me smile, even after a cold war we have, when I see her, everything just ends and we would feel like the problems just doesn't exist at all.

Her kisses are just so irresistable and her smile never fails to brighten my day. Her eyes fills with joy and happiness that no other girl would be able to posses and when she speaks, my heart melts at the sound of her voice.

We may have just started out together as one but in no time, I would know that this babygirl of mine would be the one that i would want to carry on with.

I LOVE YOU DARLING

2009-06-03T22:38:00.002+08:00

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus

Does this line seemed familiar? Well it truly is true that we come from two different kinds of world. A world that really has their differences and similarities and that's why Earth is being used for a place to nurture these fellow planet-tiers.

Me and S do have a lot of uncommon things that we creates our character. Like for her, she'll have her own style in clothing and her own way of thinking and for me, i have my style my character. But the greatest thing about us is that we both can link.

How u ask me? I'll answer you by saying, who says we have to have things in common to have a common understanding in a relationship?

After all, the more uncommon things the better, it gives both of us the interest to find out about one another and also keep the relationship running. Its really cool and we do love each other's company. We can spend hours just not doing anything but keeping quiet and staring at the stars. We would sit by a tree and talk for hours and not feel bored about anything. We can even spend more than 24 hours together and still find our company a pleasure and not an irritant. Some would say our relationship only started and we would soon go into problems and everything would just seemed lost and hopeless.

But what I can tell you is that, although we have great time together, we also had great fight that would almost seemed like though we would end it at there and then.

This relationship by far has the most effect on me. For once I am myself, I no need to be someone else just to keep someone happy. At least, I know she loves me for who I am now and not what I am. That's great cause I see something in this relationship.

2009-05-28T00:04:00.002+08:00

Let me introduce you to two persons that lives on an isolated island that only has both presence as their only formed of entertainment.

The story of how the 2 got into the island was never known but now they only have each other to get by life before someone actually comes and rescue either of them. The greatese thing was that these 2 happened to be of different genders, both have their own kind of personality and at the start life just seems fine for them living on the island.

Stranded together since 2months back, the couple found each other's company rather intersting and unique, the feeling that they've found the right one. But we all know, finding that RIGHT one is never easy and opportunities does present itself but who says nurturing cannot be done?

HAHA! Only knowing that they we're thrown onto this island alone, the couple never really knew how and why they actually got onto that island but nonetheless they enjoyed the company of both parties. They would go to bed really late and somehow both felt that sleeping isn't the right option to take even though they're tired. They preferred staring into each other's sparkling eyes without exchanging a word. The silence would seem very entertaining for both of them, they could go around without even talking or just sit and stare. The funny thing was, all these positive feelings happened 2months back, during the "happy" period.

Now, after so long, things just seem to go in different directions, sparks flew here and there. The trees would cause rustles so hard, sometimes it knocks one of them hard in the head, springing them back to reality. No one loves to be in problems, but these are just blocks for them to step up and grow up together. Dun forget, they only have each other to make their time worthwhile on the island, in other words they need each other to survive.

Its not an easy task, they have to fend food for themselves and they never must leave each other alone at night or else wild boars and animals would come and harm them. Back to back they must watch, its not an easy island to live by and to worsen it, they dun really have much to help them survive only their knowledge and past experiences.

On and off they would argue about little issues but somehow, the couple actually fell in love in the process of knowing each other, and with each passing day, their love grew but to how big, no one noes.

Only they know this, and time will soon tell how big their love can grow......

2009-05-25T13:26:00.004+08:00

"WHY? "

That word just seemed to be surfacing every single time my mind seems to be at ease or when i feel less troubled than before. Nothing seemed to be help me much now. Yes people tell me that everything will get better, I know it will get better but how do we know or do you know it will? You're not GOD to begin with, but maybe through experience it will.

I'm seriously going thru a fucking hard time now to get over these issues, friends try and help, even my girlfriend's there to lend a hand to me but I myself dun really know what's going on or how to settle these. It's difficult to get by life now.

Money isn't the problem anymore, but rather holding on to people is the main issue that I think is really pissing me off.

The funny thing is that people say when you meet your loved ones, you should feel warmth, joy, love etc etc, the positive emotions of life. The bottom line is I am not feeling any of those, but rather, sadness, hate, vengeance fills my blood with pain and anger. How do I succumb to these? Anyone out there to really know what i'm going thru?

True enough I am in denial most of the time. I have a girlfriend but sometimes I really wished she would be there to always hear me out but then again, she has her life and her other commitments to go through, and I dun wanna always be the one in the light, I like helping people, I've helped a lot, but where are those shit heads that I helped? Or is everyone really happy with their life now and no one really gives a damn about anything else??

I try not to show that Im troubled, but even the most simple person that doesn't know anything about body feelings can tell that i'm deeply in trouble, I dunno what to do. I wanna end my life, not because I have nothing but there's this pain and guilt in me that's seriously bothering me SOOO GOD DAMN MUCH THAT I SERIOUSLY FEEL HOPELESS!!

I wanna be there for my girl, when she's in need of me..

But how? That's why I wanna leave all my problems aside and keep other's around me happy but I dun think that's happening. Everyone seemed to be smiling and I'm not. A mask that i where around me that would show not the side of me right now. A facade that people would see the wrong things.

Baby, I know you're trying your very best to help me through this but I guess you really dun have much to do or give me now. I just want you to be happy and what I'm going through now is seriously making you feel rather terrible and helpless. I know and I am sorry, I need you by my side more than ever. We're only starting out and I dun wanna make you feel this way this early. But sad to say darling, things just doesn't seem to work out right for me now. I need you to be stronger than me now and not to give up even if things seemed to be hopeless for us. True that I can make you happy but now i need you to be in my shoes, to make me shine like the way you used to. Deep down you should know i truely love you and I dunno how else to show you or put it in words to show my love to you....

Just take care of yourself if anything does happen to me...

Be it good or bad, I am still here for you!

Love you baby :)

2009-05-19T14:16:00.003+08:00

WHEN VENGEANCE MEETS SERPENTINE

The same kind of feelings that actually surrounds the couple is brought forth by a wrath of force that expels all others within.

I kinda like the idea that I'm attached. I'm still finding it hard to get along with her but at the same time I like the pace that we're going thru right now. Not too fast and not too slow.

Only 12 days' pass but I guess I feel as if I knew her long before. And I feel as if this is like FATE.

I dun like the idea of getting hurt but after all, we haven't really hurt each other yet. But i guess soon it will be time to raise the bar and get injuries. It's soon to be time to grow up and take on challenges head on.

But no matter how it turns out,

I LOVE YOU!

2009-05-13T13:58:00.002+08:00

THERE'S THIS GIRL THAT I SAW,
THAT'S WHEN I KNEW I'D FALL,
FOR SOMEONE SO BRIGHT LIKE THE STAR.
SHE HAD THE GLOW OF AN ANGEL,
THE SMILE OF A DEVIL,
THE BODY OF A SUPERMODEL.
HER VOICE IS TENDER AND SWEET,
THAT MADE ME DROP TO MY KNEES;
BEGGING FOR ME FOR HER TO NOT STOP.
HER SKIN WAS SOFT LIKE FEATHERS,
HER FEELINGS WERE PRECIOUS;
ANOTHER REASON FOR THIS SONG...

IF YOU COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME;
WE WILL SHARE THOSE FEELINGS THAT ARE YET TO BE.
IF YOU COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME,
YOU'LL KNOW THAT WE'RE MEANT TO BE.

NOW THAT I KNOW HER, I WOULD NEVER CONFUSE HER
WITH SOMEONE THAT'S IN HER HEART.
I WILL BE FAITHFUL TO HER,
AND ALWAYS BE THERE FOR SURE,
CAUSE LOSING HER IS NOT MY PART.
I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER ,
THE TIMES AND THE MOMENT;
THAT WOULD MAKE US WHAT WE ARE.
ITS ALMOST THE END OF THE SONG,
I STILL WANNA GO ON
BECAUSE I KNOW SHE'D LOVE THIS SONG :D

IF YOU COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME;
WE WILL SHARE THOSE FEELINGS THAT ARE YET TO BE.
IF YOU COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME,
YOU'LL KNOW THAT WE'RE MEANT TO BE.

I NEVVER WANNA BE WITHOUT YOU,
I NEVER WANNA BE ALL ALONE.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW;
THAT IM REALLY MISSING YOU
AND I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE, OH BABY!

JUST 3 WORDS THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW,
AND I HOPE THAT YOU WILL KNOW THAT
I'M SINCERE AND TRUE;

I LOVE YOU

2009-05-11T15:20:00.002+08:00

Greetings to all my readers out there, I'm actually typing with a bleeding finger and thus staining the letters on my keyboard but nonetheless, I still wanna let you readers fill in to the juicy stories about my interesting life. :D

On the 7th Of May 2009, a love story unfolded and cherishing the moment both lovers were intrigued by one another's voices and jokes. It was an unexplanable feeling that only the couples know. A reason for this is fate.

None will know how they got together only those who are really close and follows this story will roughly know, but still the story lies within their hearts.

The chapters are only in the beginning, all the characters have yet to be staged and storied but the love storyline have been written. Not so soon will they fight but this Romeo and Juliet have found what they wanted for now.

Further chapters have yet to be written but this can be twisted or well writtened.

But in every chapter Romeo will make his presence known to Juliet. It's just how strong it will last that would keep these lovebirds going on...

I LOVE YOU BABY

2009-04-29T00:12:00.002+08:00

OKay go, lets go! Finally peace at long last. I can never tell you how happy I am now or at least how i'm feeling now but bottom line is, my conscious are clear and my path is set. So how now u ask me, simple! It's up to me. You'll seee....

Haha, okay so basically what i was talking about is that i've been having this issues that have been unsolve for almost dunno how long but finally, it came to halt and all seems to be good at long last. But did you notice that i used the word "seems", well, from what i see everything's a happy ending, but this stupid gut feeling of mine somehow tells me that NO, it will surface again but i dun want it to.

Sleepless nights have got me better of being myself. Somehow these past events have made me grow and mature. Well, the mind's the strongest place and a good starting point to improve. So i guess that's where now im maturing.

Like people always tell me, u can't satisfy everyone u know and I see that VERY clearly now. So I have to make a decision and hopefully not regret when the time comes. But usually decisions i make may seem inevitable but at the end of the day, its actually for a good cause.

So now that there's peace and maybe harmony, I'm glad this is all over, and things will return back to the way it is...

2009-04-27T14:00:00.002+08:00

Yo ho lets go! Bloody hell, I dun even rmb when was the last time I actually blogged here or rather when i last wrote out what i wanted to write. But yea, a chain of events just so happened recently which hmm, i can truely say is mind boggling.

I dunno how else to say it but i just guess frenship can just turn super sour within an hour. Well, it was just due to some minor social error which have now became a huge problem in my own freaking small society. But now I just feel that no one's to blame or rather no one should be faulted at. People have weaknesses and they make mistakes.

Tell me honestly, which human being is hugely perfect? NO ONE! If everyone's perfect, no drastic environmental problem would be at risk now neither having cancerous cells spreading all over the world. Its inevitable no one is perfect.

Well, now that things have been done, it cannot be undone, like how history is history, so be it. Let's just all let time pass and see how things will go as time to come.

Cheerios to everyone I know and those who are reading this now...

2009-02-09T14:23:00.003+08:00

When life just seems to go your way, it will suddenly come to a standstill or even take a turn in which you never expected. That's how life just seemed to be...

Last night I was in bed thinking about how my life just sped by without me knowing how fast it would be and how seriously old im growing into. Its already 2009 and Im freaking 18 this year with a second year to study at RP and of course to complete some achievements for this year.

And just recently, i was looking through posts that were typed out and publish about how I went through my past and how childish i'd been then. But now, seeing the changes in my attitude and the changes in my thinking, i guess growing up was exactly fun afterall. I went through my pictures as well when i was in sports school and it was kinda funny to see me in my younger days. It was exhilarating.

But what made me decide to post this is cos of a dream i had last night. I dreamt i went on a holiday with some friends and sadly, we were kidnapped and held hostage for about a week before i saw each and everyone of my friends died due to the torture of the rebels. but the funny thing was this, they could have retaliated and fought back before dying, but they didn't and instead just stood there waiting to die, with smiles on their faces. It was both a sad and happy sight and of course, I was the last to go; with a bullet through my head.

And of course it was a dream. But the dream had a meaning to it. It goes like this that you have one shot at life, and if you don't treasure the moment, the fun, the happiness, the sadness, and the love, you'll never get to enjoy what life truly is. And when it comes to the final moment of your last breath, you'd suddenly realize that you haven achieve what you wanted to do and that's when you start panicking and beg to live on...

I have wishes and I would like to have one wish that would hopefully come true. I wish to be a happy teen for as long as my teenage years allow me to and i wished that this wished would come true after i end this post.

But no matter if it doesnt.

Life is full of wonders and surprises, I just hope my life doesnt take a wrong turn again...

2009-02-06T02:49:00.002+08:00

dead blog dead blog, its beginning to sound like madshit dead, madshit dead. haha. Random shit. ah, well, im bored and feeling tired but cant really get any shut eye actually.

well, not much interesting thing happened ever since the day of my birth till now. just some random events that's been happening and a cute incident that happened ytd at powerhouse. okay well, so we all over reacted by a bit! haha.

well, now it some how seems to voice down to a meer thing which is making me feel like shit or rather feel empty inside.

I guess i just missed the time when im loving someone or rather someone loving me at the same time. Well, most people would agree with me that parent's love are the best but at times i beg to differ. But who knows which you choose would be great for you. some say, parents, others tell you affection but then you decide what's best for yourself.

anyhow, although i dun show it that often or rather my ego denies my action of feeling lonely and wanting to love someone again. Somehow I'm saving it for the best girl out there but till today there's only one and that one doesn't seem to be reacting much to the situation. well, i dun really wanna ask much of it or from her. after all, i love being frens with her and to stay happy with her is indeed good enough. but still, i want to go back to the days where i could hold her and she would lie on my shoulders and say words that would make my day.

but then again, everyone chooses their own paths to walk on, forcing it would mean harm and chaos which no one would like to have. I wanna protect her but no, i have to stay true to my agreement with her. It shouldn't be the case of a cowardly act but instead to be a man and stand by my words.

See, i agree that when you look at couples in the streets these days you would envy them and sometimes wonder why not me? but i keep telling myself that one day people would envy me instead, it keeps me going. Well, being single is fun but when you used to come from a background that you're always involve in a relationship, you will tend to have the urge to want someone by ur side again.

That's what's happening to me now but im only 18, its still a long way to go before i will decide who will be my life long partner. well, enjoy the days while i still can cos who knows, one day, life would just turn around and go the way i want it to. :)

2009-02-03T03:58:00.002+08:00

happy birthday here, happy birthday there. haha. well, thanks everyone for wishin me and a special thanks to madhu, sarah, kaixin, leo and zach as well, to make my day quite memorable in a way. ;P

well, finally 18 and now i get to do things legally without having to shy away from the law. and I celebrated my 18th one with a difference this year.

Usually i'd hold parties and all for my friends but im thinking maybe this year, i'd do something different. And so i called a few close friends down tgt and we had drinks to celebrate the event.

But, before the big day, I went to sentosa with sarah for a tanning session and she gave me my present there. quite cool, choco liquors. hee. but yea, im done finishing it anyway. haha.

okay then so midnight came and it was funny, cos the only person who was first to wish me a happy birthday was sarah and god! i seriously miss her. and so for a second birthday prezzie, was a kiss from her. and damn, it felt good wen our lips connected! haha. okay so madhu zach and kx got me a curtain for my room which is weird but okay! haha. and instead of the usual cake with frostings and candles, they got me a cheese cake with biscuit sticks as candles. haha. unique huh?

but since u only get to celebrate once in a year, so its okay to come up with stupid things for once.

well, so we all got wasted over JD and mixers and it was indeed funny to see everyone high. haha. well, and since everyone was high, words and truths seems so reliable and easy to believe.

anyway, I still love her and somehow, i feel like getting back with her. but see, its not easy and im not really looking for anyone right now or a relationship.

im getting sleepy now, will update again soon. so yea, i'll be back before you know it.hahah

2009-01-14T04:47:00.004+08:00

Bloody hell! its 5am in the morning and freaking hell i've got a bloody beep test to pass in a few hours time. what a way to prep up my test huh?

well, cant help it. been going thru a rough time badly and sadly truths can really really hurt although it aint you that's been the one that has to go thru it. well, just had a recent chat with a close friend and my word, when the truth came out, it was really bad and now i know why it was hard to let it out in the 1st place.

well, people change for the better or the worst but i mean, to have it done is not a mistake nor an intention. hard to guess which is wrong and which is right but i guess its the life of different individual and i should have reacted appropriately and not like an idiot who thinks that it was okay.

well, on fighting terms again and i guess before she forgives u gotta show whether im up for it or not. firstly i forced it out and secondly i did promise not to judge but it went the wrong way and not as intended too as we liked it to be.

I'M DEFINITELY HOLDING ON.

with whatever that means, but yea, im kinda savouring whatever that's left of us and to begin with, it wasn't even planned for as couple but why the persistence in fighting on for what may seem to be plain fantasy?

Its a curious thing that how we beings actually hoped for but never happened.

Well, i guess i just have to wait. if only she knew how i felt and how ignorant i'd be but i guess that wouldn't change much of a difference now would it?

So far, training has been okay for me, funny people turned up at the stadium and cool people too. Just that now i feel its time i fight for a place. and wait, before that i have to freaking pass this fitness test before i can even think about fighting for a place.

Bummer, this year started out badly for me. never did i intend to lose so much. Never did i intend to see someone go down badly and never had i intended to put someone in a difficult position.

Im full of surprises in which my surprises causes me to create my own curiosity and disbelief.

I seriously wish for better days.

and the time for wishing should really begin right now...

2009-01-13T01:47:00.002+08:00

it comes and go as it pleases and life's just like that. one time you know a friend and next you know they're not there, dead or just gone, like the wind.

no point dreading over lost cause or try and make amendments cos it will never happen and somehow that's what some causes seem to be. recent years and experience taught me one thing, a minor slip up will turn into a major upset.

so far the day turn out fine for me. and i guess my time for relationships hasn't settled yet. met up with my ex finally after dunno how long but yea, it was good seeing her again. feelings came flying back like nobody's business. but hmm, i guess feelings are just meant to toy arnd with what you think may happen.

Anyway, i had fun hanging with her and her friend which was kinda interesting cos they seem to share a common knowledge about each other but of course they been friends for too god damn long to know what will come next after the next second passes.

But still, I cant bring myself to ever except her again cause of past emotional experiences. People say, forgive and forget, but i think that's all bullshit when it comes to real first hand happenings. Try being in my shoes and you will know what i mean. haha.

Okay, so training has been fun lately and I'm kinda glad madhu recommended me to the club. I definitely owe him cos, if it wasn't for what he did, I wouldn't even have started soccer again. Oh well, aiming for the best but gotta work hard for it.

Somehow, the days now seemed shorter than usual and nights too. I find it hard sometimes to accept truths and somehow I believe so much in lies that i tend to forget where reality lies. School's been a bore and life just seems to rotate amongst the weird and abnormal. Like a ferris wheel that doesn't stop spinning would end up breaking down one day.

I gotta spice it up somehow with whatever i can do to it. 2008 seems better than 2009 but what more can you ask for when you're turning 18 soon? I'm getting old and although a lot of ppl like the idea of being 18 I know, one day, I'll feel the same of being younger again. but let that day come where reminissence can only savour the true memories of one's past life.

tomorrow will be another day of circle. But i guess i can look forward for something when it comes up. hopefully another meeting with that girl would be great, but it seems distant now. and a new life awaits those who wants to grab it.

funny little blog post but i guess that's how i relate my life to what's happening right now.

2008-12-15T13:26:00.002+08:00

Weird day for a weird guy.

Anyway, holidays just started and god, it feels weird during the holidays. I mean usually, there will be meet up session etc for the students in RP but somehow today seems rather quiet...hmm..

Anyway, woke up with a bad start this morning, some weird family's renovating their house and now there's this racketing since morning until, didn't really sleep well but heck.

Adam and Madhu came over last night, haha, piece of joke those two. They didn't hang long, cos 1stly its raining and secondly it was getting rather late. But haha, Adam discovered a few truths about my friends and everyone was kinda shocked about the truth incuding myself.

Okay so holidays are meant to be fun and entertaining right? So wait, how come I'm all alone at home, with no msgs in my fone from anyone about asking me out? And time now is 1333hrs! WTF?!

I should be fucking sleeping at this time. Nabei! haiz..at least, clubbing was fun 2nights ago. Thing is i knew i was out on friday night but shit, i cant rmb where i was only sat night which was at Chillies.

Indian Club! NEVER club there before and Saturday was the official day which i broke my virginity for an indian club. haha. it was i daresay quite interesting and hmm, i was almost drunk on that day but in the end im good.

Well, I guess its about time now to sit back and relax, hoping and waiting for someone to make my day!

2008-12-02T12:03:00.004+08:00

wooi! this fello's been out cold for too long. well, i guess its about time i start writing what's suppose to be written out now.

well there were many events that happened which i really did not have time to write everything down but yea, the easiest way to cut the story short would be, ever since the break up, i kinda realize how life would be so fun without having to be tied down but then again having a girl by my side would seem a good idea if of course she does what i do and also she's okay with whatever I do in life (of course not cheating la! haha), the best way is to have a girl that really noes what i want then life would be easier.

another thing is, i'm starting soccer again and im gonna be working my butt off to try and get a place back in the national team. Also, now that im gonna turn 18 soon, i have plans for a bike and the funny thing about me is that i am actually SAVING up for my bike! haha.

Its not like Eddy's able to save, but yea i am saving! haha.have about 400++ for my bike license since im paying for myself and thus I am out to get my license then later think how to get my bike.

Okay, so, during the course break of my time here from my blog, a family have emerged from the midst of all the mayhem.

Consisting of:
- Arjun
- Alex
- Clifton
- Eddy
- Jasper
- Joell
- KaiXin
- Leo
- Madhu
- Zachary

we went thru loads of thick and thin shits and now we're awesome tgt. imagine ah, we go fishing tgt which i sucked BIG time at that sport except prawning which i took some time before i finally get a hang of things haha.

well so that's about how my life turned around. so i guess i am enjoying the blissful time that life has to offer for a teenager!

2008-11-10T09:43:00.002+08:00

Well, I guess now its time for another way to put my life to good use. The pain that lingered have now still been around and some things will never been the same again.

To remember the memories, to remember the times spent and to eventually remember the last few hours of the time together is really mind boggling and painful to do it. As of now when I'm typing this, anger and sorrow starts filling my heart again, I guess the blow was too hard to handle.

But, its okay. I'm okay. I have friends which i can count on. They're really good and they never let me down. This is what i call friends.

Sad to say, even though it was unexpected to end, it was unexpected to begin with too. But now, since its over, I don't really mind how it went down but just the promises that were given were hopeful but I shouldn't have kept a deep impression on her.

But who cares anyway, its another girl lost and too bad for her she's falling for the wrong kinda guy. Even mummy agrees that that kinda guy is not worth her time which i totally agree as he aint a guy at all. He treats her like shit, makes use of her and furthermore hits her, what kinda guy does that?

Anyway, I won't wanna ponder even more about this, its time I move on, but I have hope that soon she'll be running back to me. But its just hope. Not really putting too much hope on her.

I have to agree, life's like that and the hardest words to say is I love you, I miss you and Help me. Indeed during the relationship I hardly say that I love you or when I miss you. Its really hard to do so but yea, i guess she was looking for someone who will say those kind of words.

Well, I'm gonna start hanging with my friends now and since i lost so much time with them, its about time i start doing so.

Oh well, that's about it.

2008-10-23T14:39:00.002+08:00

ok i don't recall when it was the last time i blogged but haha. fuck it.

So i apologised for the very very dead blog. Cos I've been busy lately with work. Working at Fish n Co. at the heeran's outlet haha. Ok, so this is the 1st time im actually looking forward to working because usually i will find all sorts of stupid reasons to not go to work. haha.

and my class seems really better towards the upcoming holiday, jus one or two being a pain in the ass. HAHA! ok so, yea, today was kinda fun, we came up heroic names and we took up different characters from the justice league so, I'm Gambit. haha, if u dunno who he is, his a card-throwing,Bo master mutant who was formally in league with the villians before turning over to the good side.

Yea, I did a research on him, find him really cool, cos he was once bad then good. hehe, somewhat like me. Anyway, at least today's kinda fun in a way.

Anyhow, I hope to be able to blog more often. But no promises I'll do it everyday!

2008-09-19T22:52:00.002+08:00

Its really really really sad how a person's life can be so lost and gone just because of money issue...

Its never an easy part of life when money issue becomes the main problem of ur whole entire problem. As far as each and everyone of us teens is concern, we dun wanna step into this kind of situation as we know it will cause more hurt and feel more remorsful abt what's happening.

Well, in total my whole situation rite now is im in money debt and its not nice to be in this kind of shit when you're at my age. I mean, I haven started working and mayb I did earn quite a bit from the previous co but hell? i have not enough to settle my dad. I mean, I lost a lot of money too. So what am I to do? well, simple, I have people who owe me money and calculated I have about 6k worth of money that will be returned to me and from there I can settle my debt.

But hey! It aint that simple, these fellos who owe me money are good talkers and they talk a lot of crap jus to shy away from their problems. And what abt me? What do i do? NOTHING!

I let them talk and I give them leniency. Why am I so nice to them?? WHY WHY WHY?!?!

I dunno, I jus feel VERY wasted now. I shuden have been thru this crap at all. I have a WONDERFUL girlfriend in which stands by my side whenever i'm in need of her. I dunno, at times I really feel like ending my life.

I never in fact regretted whenever I think of death. There's this part of me in which I really do accept death and sometimes I really cant wait for it to come. But then, there's another weird side that starts making me feel that I really need to stay alive because of the people who are around me. My friends, families and even loved ones.

But the thing is, I'm so super arrogant and very high in my ego that I cant beg down to bring myself to lower my standards. Even when I am wrong, I will try to prove im right. I dunno that's just me. I cant accept loses. But what i noe its im easily hurt and I never show it.

I never liked to. Well, I guess after this it'll end my emotional run of the day. It jus sucks being a teen right now. I jus wished I was jus born and living a care-free life like a baby!

2008-09-08T12:35:00.002+08:00

Ok, i know its been awhile since i last wrote something on here. haha. and yea, lem lem, my blog post's almost a month old!

I have been really busy lately and come to think of it, I'm kinda lazy to blog about certain stuffs. But what you all can know is that in the past month, HELL loads of stuffs happened to me. Things which u never had expected to happen did happen and i cant quite help to keep it from happening. Ah, well, there's too much to say on what happened, but what was it is reali emotional i guess.haha.

Anyway, im kinda lazy to keep updating but i'll do so soon. haha. I'm off for a nap now, tired ah. haha. UPdate soon i guess..

2008-08-13T11:02:00.000+08:00

To some, maybe 16 weeks are short but to me and probably my class to 16 weeks is LONG! It’s amazing how close we have become together; it’s very hard to imagine starting the new semester with a brand new class.

Yes, today’s the last day of class if some of you are thinking whether it is or not. What I can say is, there’s a lot of emotion filling the air even when we met up early this morning. It’s not like we didn’t want it to happen but that’s how the system works. They put you in a class together and make you bond well with them, then just you are beginning to enjoy the class greatly, they break you up. It’s worst then having a relationship with another girl because you have multiple relationships to handle all at one time.

Well, class topic today didn’t really bother anyone much even the grades are not that important for today. All we really cared was to spend our time greatly together. And I guessed we really did. And for the first time, I really missed this class.

We even talked about how we first met at the start of the year and we really felt the pain when we started to leave class to go our separate ways. I still remembered the first person that I talked to was Ishaq and Samuel. Haha, they were a funny bunch. And to top it all off, everyone started changing over the weeks. That was what made the class really exciting and full of surprises. Class chalets, gatherings and even plans were awesome with this class.

Still remember the first time we skipped school together and went to East Coast Park to enjoy our day. Lots of incidents happened. Like me crashing into Aisyah on our bikes. And Wai Yong falls while skating and the entire photo taking sessions we had at the jetty. It was fun. Then turn by turn each of our classmates got dunk into the sea. Never thought we would be so close together but we were. Although some didn’t skip with us but nevertheless they shared the same joy we had on that day. Oh and we celebrated Sabrina’s birthday on that day too.

Sigh now that we’re split up, I don’t know what’s going to happen to each and every single one of them. Maybe at the start we’ll feel they ache then pass up over it or some would even feel it throughout the next semester. It’s darn hard to really find the right time to meet up with them. Firstly I have a business trip at the end of the month and soon I’ll be flying off to England for trials at a division one club. If all goes well, I guess there’s no turning back and I have to once again leave my friends.

Hard to believe but it’s true, as life grows, you grow to. When changes come in, you change too. This is how a successful person in life thinks. You do not dwell so much on the past but occasionally bring it back to relive the memories. And sometimes some of the past memories are not worth keeping.

I don’t want to talk about the crying that happened in class at the end of the day but its normal for our girls to do that. And the guys, tough on the outside but most of us are quite soft inside too. Expressions are one thing that we can tell from each other and also it’s difficult to hide what we’re feeling inside.

Anyway, without further ado, I’d like to say, W15B, you guys are amazingly cool and though there were some ups and downs within our class, it was still memorable. Having you guys were great and having you guys doing some shits sometimes were fun! Anyway I’m surely gonna miss you lot and I really wish you all the best in RP!

Stay in contact and may all of you have a wonderful year ahead!

PEACE Y’ALL!

EDDY SHADOWS SIGNING OFF!

2008-08-01T16:09:00.002+08:00

It’s a funny story when you actually have someone to read and find out about the other side of you in which you seldom portray about. It’s hard to accept the fact about it and it is rather disturbing too that you have that side. Haha! I would never have imagined or pictured how someone would react to it and also to say, “Aww, I didn’t know you’re like that!” It really sends shivers down my spine and also I guess it must be a man’s ego to not be able to accept that fact!

Haha. Ahh, well, today hasn’t really been a fun or enjoyable day to begin with. I was fucking late for school and of course I forgot to bring the stupid bill for my girlfriend and got screwed. Not only that, Alex left the class! WTF! And lionel was left to settle the whole presentation alone. Poor dude. Oi ALEX! IF YOU’RE READING THIS, YOU OWE ME! Haha.

Anyway, today’s topic is really devastating and I think the grade today aint going too well. I guess im kinda blunt in solving today’s problem, ahh, it was really poor. Haha. Cuden grasp the problem properly.

Quality quality quality, sian, I dun even noe why I din skip class today. Haha.!

Weird feeling. Oh well, im kinda tired but not sooo tired but jus that I feel today’s reali fucking weird way. I guess its jus half the day, so lets see how the rest of the day would be like.

2008-07-28T09:23:00.002+08:00

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
- no.

What does the 8th text in your inbox say?
- "hiee, can i noee euu?"

What are you wearing right now?
- boardshorts and round neck shirt

What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?
- meeting my girlfriend

Are you afraid of the dark?
- haha! Hell no.

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
- my holiday and hanging out with my peeps.

Do you like pancakes?
- okok ah.

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
- not yet..

Do you miss anyone?
- LOADS.

Are you growing apart from someone close?
- haha, can grow apart?

Who do you trust with EVERYTHING?
- myself and no one else.

Have you ever told anyone you were OK when you really weren't?
- nahh, but mayb i did. cant really rmb.

Do you think anyone out there in general loves you?
- yea there is.

Do you talk a lot?
- not really.

Can you play pool?
- of course la!

Ever had a song written about you?
- nope, but i've written songs for people.

What was the last reason you were mad?
- miscommunication between me and my girl

Where is your cell phone?
- right pocket

Do you have a job?
- yea, 2!

Where do you want to go?
- her house.

Where did you sleep last night?
- on the right side of my bed.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
- 3am.

What woke you up today?
- alarm.

Do you have any weird inside jokes?
- mayb, how inside would you consider?

What did you do last weekend?
- chilling with my girl and guitaring.

How is your heart right now?
- quite tired

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
- 3mins ago.

Where is your best friend?
- beside me.

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
- Sarah, haha.

Anything annoying you right now?
- Yea, the faci!

Have you done anything embarrassing lately?
- not yet actually.

Where do you get your money?
- from my business.

Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex?
- darkish-light!

What was your dream about last night?
- fucking funny one. too long to tell

How often do you drive/ where do you drive to?
- once a week!, hmm, to town i guess. or sometimes lower seletar.

2008-07-21T15:49:00.002+08:00

I wanna take this time to apologise for one of the post that I've posted, im sure most of you will know what post it was.

Anyway, i was feeling kinda low at that point and to get some of them to irritate me caused a further blow up which reali pushed me to my breaking point, which indeed it did and thus yea, I came up with that. Anyway, ive already removed it and hopefully u guys would forgive me for it.

Ok so, sem 1 is about to end pretty soon. Looks like the class spirit looks strong, and I have to admit, i kinda miss a lot of ppl when sem 2 begins. Well, we have to adapt to changes don't we? As for some of my frens i reali cant believe we're soon splitting. and we it was only a few months back that we started school together. Anyway, if any W15B members are reading this, after Sem 1 ends, during the hols we're having a class chalet. Any objections please let me noe cos i need to tele the cost and place for the event. Your co-operation is deeply appreciated. and if there's no reply i take it that all are coming!

Haha. anyway, i'll still look up and ask them la. Not like everyone has my blog webbie and duhh, i want everyone to come. Whether its their 1st time joinin us or what but ya, hopefully everyone would be around. After all we're a CLASS!

Well, my tie with sarah's improving a lot too, although i din talk much about it i guess what i can say is that the relationship defenitely took another level to it. We're on the verge of actually dating like couples about to get married...

Freaky!! Cos im young and haha, this is the 1st time my mum actually approves of my girlfriend! HAH!

Anyway, there's jus one tiny problem, I'M LOST! haiya, shan't elaborate on that but yeam i guess IT'S COMPLICATED!

2008-07-10T11:41:00.002+08:00

What's my identity?

Bloody hell, why is it that we have to do this kind of topic today? I'm feeling kinda fucked up and here we are trying to find out why people have i identity and how the environment change it.

Ahh, nothing much really happened over the few days from the day I last posted. The only thing happened recently was basically the whole event that happened yesterday.

I tag along with my girlfriend, Sarah, for her model F1 shoot. It all when kinda smooth at the start but after her makeover session with the make up artists, she was transformed into one of the most hottest girls i've seen so far. And I was really enjoying the attention I get when I was walking around town with her. the looks on those guy's faces were like, "how the fucker get this girl?" or "man! that dude's lucky to have her!" haha. so ya, basically i was out with a hot model that every guy's kinda jealous about! hehe.

Ahh, so after training and everything, I went jamming. Well, my finals are coming up and I wanna do well, and since Sarah's not coming i brought her to listen to us, which she said she was impressed by the quality of our song. so i guess we're on the right track for the competition.

Well, there's arcane sound which is our greatest problem right now. Well, ok so that's our only problem in securing the top position. But u need to have a challenge to gauge ourselves how good we are...

I'm getting kinda sleepy now and its only the 2nd break! I'm so super super sleepy already! Probably gonna nap 1st before the meeting.

Toodles!

2008-06-23T13:05:00.001+08:00

Well im finally back to blog about the shit ass life that ive jus been through. Hmm it wasn’t reali as bad as I thought it be but yea it was ok, jus got back from a freaking holiday at Pangkor, an island off Perak somewhere in Malaysia.

The ride to and fro was tiring but heck, the fun came when we were on the island. This is by far the 1st trip ever to have all my dad’s relatives together for a holiday, it was a fucking BIG family, consisting of 26 ppl. Haha. The bus we took had seats for 27 so we jus nice occupied everything. Haha. So on the island we rented 10bikes and 2cars and of course them most of us were riders only those little cousins and nephews of mine were in the car. Damn if you were to there to observe on how we rode u’d be surprised to see the large group. Plus since we were mostly made of teens and some of our uncle including my dad still had that teen mindset, haha, we were literally causing nuisance there. Esp me and my cousins. Haha. All jokers and crazy riders, to the pt where accidents happened quite frequently.

I got myself into some shit on the 1st day, haha, the cornering was quite sharp and since there was on-coming traffic I din have time to actually move away from it so I ended up turning into the woods. Haha. Din fall so it was alright. My bro however wasn’t as lucky as me. Haha. He was cornering and happened there were sands there on tat part of the road, skidded and fell. Hehe. My cousin that was his pillion was lucky to jump out before he was taken down by the accident. Oh well, I had 2 more accidents which happened at corners as well, if you realize most accidents happened at corners.

Other than riding we had other fun too, like those water sport games. Which ended up in accidents too. Well, I can say that when you’re out wif cousins who have the same crazy mentality as you, anything can happen! Haha. There was this ride where a wicked accident happened it was fun at the start but when all crashed into the sea, we finally saw what damage it could do. Hanif, my cousin and my brother’s friend syafiq crashed together and the injury after that was bad, the impact was soooo great that hanif’s tooth was loosened and had a split lips which had to be stitched. There were two holes actually which blood literally gushed out like nobody’s business. It was a cool sight to watch it flow out especially the part where he tried squeezing his lips together and u can see the blood literally squirt out. Hee. Oh and syafiq wasn’t as bad as his, he jus had a punctured skull from hanif’s tooth collision but was so deep so it din effect much. There were blood flowing but it was jus a bit and it stopped at night.

Overall, after that ride ended, it was bloody incident. I had a sore tongue and a bitten lip which has ulcers now. Irritating but yea, it was fun. Haha, oh and I went tanning too, which ended up in sunburn now. Haha. Fuck but hell yea, it was cool!

Too bad it ended quite early, or rather the trip was short. And I din have time to shop!  I wanted to but I keep forgetting cos I was occupied with riding the bike. Oh well, now I have some money left but dunno what to do wif it.

And I miss my friends but recently I din reali have time for them esp someone. Seems like I’ve grown a strange distance from her ever since the start of school and I guess its true that it takes two hands to clap. Its funny when you try and do smth but doesn’t seems to see any improvement it sucks but that’s how life is like rite?

I wanna give up on everything but I cant, I jus dun have the decision to do so. In fact that’s the fucking weakness with me, I jus let everything come to me. Go with the flow, heard of that line rite? Well yea, I am lyk that, flow guy.

Anyway, I miss you. And I seriously wished I taken the step in doing so, but I guess, I’m too late, slow in waiting for the right moment which flew pass without me even realizing.

It is at this moment that I know I let it slipped by….

2008-06-16T15:40:00.002+08:00

It’s the start of the fucking school term, and weirdly I did enjoy my school holidays. But it was still funny, I din expect it to be so short, neither too long. It seemed balanced and yet it wasn’t enough.

So many things happened during that two weeks, I din have time to blog about what happened during my day and night, but in short, I have been sleeping later than usual and waking up earlier than expected.

I have many friends, and I guess two weeks is not enough to help me meet all my friends that I know, sucks to have so many friends but sadly if I lost everyone then I’d rather have no time to meet them than have no friends.

Anyway, 1st week was spent with my RP mates and the 2nd mostly spent with friends of the past and from work, so that roughly covers all my 50+ friends that I hang closely with.

Thinking back about the pass isn’t an ideal thing to do but sometimes, I do feel hurt and sad whenever I think back how my life was spent, wasted by those who lead me astray. I never understood why I got myself into situations like that, is it because I have an ego in which everyone would admire, or was it mere child’s play to think it was cool to be a part of them. I guess memories are sure hard to forget, I never liked the idea of having to be a part with them, because it was them who partly made me who I am right now, it’s hard to accept that I did change a lot, a change in which I lost ALOT of friends but gained a few. Not knowing what I was doing now I realize the change in me wasn’t a good one, but I can’t help it, it’s hard for me to change but I have to, for friends sake, parents and for most of all MY SAKE!

It’s true being who I am can be cocky and arrogant but still, I dunno how else to portray myself, because for years I have been like this, a born leader with a rough attitude, it’s hard to work with me, I know but what else am I to do?

Love is sometimes in the air, and love is definitely a mystery! I din expect my life to be so weird, but after all, that’s what my friends tell me, including my parents. They said that’s how life can be, weird and always unpredictable. The guys are always on the losing end, that’s love by the way. Girls always have the final say in everything! That seriously sucks but can’t help it. Oh well, I’m still waiting for the right moment to happen, I am counting down my opportunities and soon it will slowly come to slow end.

How to do this is by saying that I only want one girl! That girl knows who she is….

Enough of that, I’m kinda tired with my life, I wanna end it soon but what good does it make? I’m leaving so many people behind and I can’t afford to leave everyone in the ditch so its not time yet but how do I know when will it be?

ONLY GOD KNOWS THIS ANSWER…..

2008-06-12T01:55:00.002+08:00

You know, I came to realize that when we're a teenager, we tend to skip the most treasurable moment of our childhood life.

Today, I just when through a whole series of emotional events since morning till now. Its reali mind boggling and pressurising but its ok we need a few of these things to get pass life.

What i realize as i mentioned earlier is that sometimes as a teen we gotta look back at our younger childhood days, its hard for some to do so, let alone realize how much they’ve changed for the past few years.

I have to admit, I jus looked through my younger pics, and I am actually quite sad of the way life has turned out for me. Of the person I’ve become right now. The kid that I once knew is know no longer that same boy that everyone knows. I dun reali know wats become of me, is money the whole issue surrounding life or is life actually surrounding money? Im not sure, and I don’t intend to find out the truth about this. Its hard to accept the fact that I’ve changed, its even harder to face the truth that lies behind everything that our parents has done for us. I mean, guys being fucking ego-istic is indeed a BIG factor behind realizing truth from fantasies. I lost a reali great friend thanks to greediness and selfishness, but in losing that one true friend I realize that there are many others out there that are the same, but not as compared to the one I lost.

Opportunities come and go, its time I take a lead in which path I want to grow into. A path in which I can decide who to walk with and who to forget about, I am a born leader, but a leader with no real brains to lead properly. Ive let a lot of ppl down and ive lost a lot of frens. I dun blame anyone or anything but I blame solely on myself. IF I cant even hang on to a 16 wk relationship then I dun think im worth being called a leader. Indeed the followers of the group sees the results but what about the obstacles, do they see how a leader suffers before becoming an all rounder leader?

It’s time I step up, ive been sitting in the dark for far too long now, my time is almost ready. I hear my name being called up. I see my followers looking up to me for directions and instructions. I see my enemies staring coldly at me.

Life is all about leading. My generals are newly born, they are still new and young, inexperience to read what the enemies are thinking, but I am sure that these generals are have great potential and they can fight without having me to aid them much in battle. I have a queen by my side, a great leader to the pack, and I daresay she’s pretty awesome in her decisions. And sometimes, I feel she’s inferior to me, a mother to them and a sister to me.

I am going to rise like the angel from the ashes, my paths are clear for me and my followers and I know what they want, what they strive for. Teenagers who deal their life by playing all day and “enjoying”, I salute you and say, “To hell with your life, motherfuckers!” while those occupying it with stuffs to improve their strengths and qualities, congrats.

Finally I wanna end off by saying this, its not how we portray our life to be but how we want it to be. I guess there are certain things better left unsaid then to have it being told.

2008-06-09T02:27:00.002+08:00

I just love the sound of music. It makes me go wheeee!

Well, nothing much really happened recently, although this heavy burden on my chest is finally gone, I feel kinda light and happy. I'm not sure why but i do feel that sometimes if i take a lot of things seriously then maybe I'll land myself into loads of trouble.

Hah! But who cares? That's what life really is ain't it? To take risks and see how it goes. Like normally the brain usually picks the easiest possible solution out from a problem, but I wonder, if we keep taking these solutions, wont we learn nothing from it? Hmm, but there are people who does this, and yea, guess they wont get far from it.

Oh and did I freaking mention that the national soccer team coach actually called me down for trials with the team? Damn! I haven trained in months and my skills are rather rusty, I'm not so freaking sure if I can do it. haha. but its worth a shot, I mean, NATIONAL TEAM! haha.

And and, its freakingly awesome to know that I'm actually thinking about someone right now. I think she knows who she is, but haha, maybe. I like playing games :p

Ah i'm beginning to crap, dunno why, must be the tired-ness kicking in badly, but Im kinda feeling reali cool, meeting up with my long time fren, chris, and finally i get to see the fucker. haha. For your info ppl im not GAY! I'm after a GIRL if you guys need proof. haha.

Fuck la, i hurt my stupid knee oso. Bro's reali a good cyclist noe, can cycle cycle then made me hit the stupid lamp post. Thanks ah Fendy! Knn, now the thing throbbing like one mother, haha.

Powerpac, I jus recieved a call from boss that I finally got the freaking green light to present plan and woohoo! Becoming manager soon, haha!

Hmm, how does Mr. Eddy sound? weird, style? aiya, who cares, got the MISTER in front can ready, and of course not forgetting my darling downlines, im gonna help them climb the ladder with me! haha.

Oh Lion, the blazer i swear fucking shiok! now no need waste money make new one. haha. oh oh, collecting my tailored shirt and pants soon!

MAN!!! My life is great! Just that, i'm missing someone in it....

2008-06-08T01:08:00.003+08:00

1) What do you want the most now?
- my heart yearns for someone now.

2) Who is the person you trust most?
- i'm not so sure about this....

3) Who do you think of yourself?
- Zacky Vengeance

4) Do you believe in love?
- duhh, then why are there so many ppl in the world?

5) What's your goal this year?
- Basically to have like 100k in my bank and to make my dream girl the happiest
on earth.

6) Do you believe in eternity?
- Depending on what la, if love mayb, life nah, friendship yes!

7) If you have a dream to come true, what is it?
- Living life of the rich and the famous!

8) Have you broken someone's heart till he/she wants to commit suicide?
- Yeah, but she didn't die! phew...

9) What feelings do you love most?
- Seeing someone happy and being loved by me :)

10) What feeling do you hate most?
- Being pushed around like a dog!

11) Do you cherish every friendship?
- Only some, and you guys out there should noe

12) What do you want to do in the future?
- Travel the world with my partner :)

13) What are your requirements from your other half?
- kinda personal and long to list out, but basically close to perfection!

14) What is the most important thing in life?
- love and care

15) Who do you hope to be always there for you?
- anyone who can help me out.

16) When do you think the world will end?
- when animals start talking and when Singapore start to have snow!

there!

Im done with the quiz haha! Not gonna attached the names, because I'm too darn lazy to tag their posts. haha. anyway have fun reading people, + all the ans came straight from the heart!

2008-05-30T16:12:00.002+08:00

Once again, love is in the air! Its hard to accept the fact but I think i know what love is when I feel it.

Haha, but dunno how long will it lask but hopefully it will last!

Well, that's the lovey dovey part but the problems are still the same, still no solutions are coming up for me to solve the problem. This is therefore getting reali problematic and I am getting real stressed up.

And now, my stupid com is infected with dunno what virus and now i dunno why i cant type properly! The letters are not coming up properly and i have to type and retype.

Ah well, its getting worst. haha. I'll update some day next time.

2008-05-26T02:04:00.005+08:00

I JUST WANNA SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT!

I don't understand it! I only want the best for all those I love so much.

But why is it so hard for any of those stubborn barstards to listen?

I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP ASSHOLES!

I wanna help but when you treat me like trash,

setting me up just so that I can be taken down?

Their rude comments and remarks doesn't shake me.

AND TO THINK YOU'D DO THAT TO YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD SON is simply AMAZING!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, but for what?

All I feel is hatred towards you.

I am gonna work till the day I die.

I am pushing everyone around me away.

Now that you know, I lost my friends

because of YOUR FUCKING ACTIONS!

LEAVE ME ALONE

2008-05-25T02:31:00.003+08:00

It's happiness that's filling and running thru my veins now.The feeling of having to relieve the pressure that's been piling up feels so good.

I never really thought it'd be this way but, thanks to my persistancy and hard work, it's finally working out well! It's just being very hopeful, but its a good hope to look forward to. People do say that don't place so much hope on something because if it turns out wrong then everything you had hoped for would just become pain and sorrows. Now i know why i'm always in pain!

It's reali quite tru that motivating you over and over agn doesnt reali help much, but what you do after a motivation speech to drive you on is vital. And I calculated that in about 1 and 1/2 months time I'll become a manger HOPEFULLY! haha.

Oh and what was surprising today was, my 4th generation downline had an appointment today. It was an ordinary distributor appointment, but the what was really unique about this prospect is that his family is FILTHY RICH!

He is so rich till his family need not work and just live off the bank's monthly interest. WOW! And he has like 6-7figures worth of money inside. SIMPLY AMAZING! I wished I was like that tooo..!

Ahh, well, its kinda fun having friends from RP, really cool people to be with. Altho i kinda miss my old friends, its been awhile since I last saw all of em! And the last I saw a part of them was at a gathering recently, but still, haven reali seen the whole bunch.

Well, I have to admit that life's liddat tho. Some come some go and how u accept it is what I wanna noe. Its like love though, they moments come and go like the wind. At first its strong, then it slowly weakens. How you maintain the strength of the wind is one problem, keeping it blowing is another.

I guess I'm never good at all this, and the best part of it is that I thought I was. Well, being egoistic cant get you far in a relationship, sometimes lowering yourself really helps. But then again will I lower myself? Hmm...

The nights are starting to become lonely again. Why is that I just can't let go of the activities that I have? It's a cause in my life that I am like this. Am I selfish or do I just want the better for myself and others? Questions love to fill my mind without solutions. I can never understand why I can't be like my cousins, free and easy-going, with no stress upon them, with nothing to worry about and with no love to ponder over. I am humane and sane like everyone else. But why am I so different from others? What makes me an outcast or someone special to others?

Is this life? Or is this just an imaginary feeling in which I can choose not to have? How come I feel better for others but not myself? I dunno if I am scared or just plainly choose to ignore these signs. I dunno.

Its getting late, and suddenly angers are flooding in again. One moment I was feeling like a bird, free from everything, thinking my problems are solved, and the next, after a conversation, the sudden burst of agony fills my blood. I guess, I should have never started anything. Now that I am too far in it, it's too late to turn back.

But why must I turn back when everytime I feel happiness building up when I am close to her? Why do I feel so good when I smell the rosy fragrance coming from her? Hmmm...I wish to answer those questions but I somehow feel that its all just a fake judgemental skills in which I am poor in. Maybe my feelings aren't true enough yet. Maybe I am not ready to accept it even when I thought I am, now, the only problem is.........

Well another beginning of another chapter in my life story is about to unfold, let us all turn the page.

2008-05-23T11:54:00.003+08:00

Songs songs songs songs songs. I need to write songgggsss!!! Man, I'm getting bored with cover songs. Well, i have one song but its not that perfect. and i reali reali reali need to find a new melody for smth and someone special.

Its bored reali, playing the same old song and it will be even more boring when you only jam the same songs for weeks! Yea, true enough competition's coming up and we seriously need better songs for it in order to win. HOW? we have ONE MORE WEEK!

Ok, back from my stupid pause, damn! I got freaking squashed by the "BIG" boys from the class. Lionel, Sam, Alex...even Ishaq joined in! Dey, wat jiwa you talking about? haha. And in the stupid process, i think i hurt my ribs. Its freaking hurting right now as I type this. I'm never lying down in class anymore, its an un-called for decision for the boys to start "tao pok-ing" you. =_="

And WHYYYYY?

This stupid word has been spreading thru my mind like a mutated virus. The headaches and sleepless nights are making things worst for me. I don't understand how someone can fall for others without even considering factors....
It's just wrong. And not only is it wrong, but it feels weird too. I mean, find someone like yourself in the mirror! See the link? Damn it!

And now my stupid knee is hurting badly! From a stupid decision in which we made, by fighting over who goes first for their presentations, yea it's childish, I KNOW THAT! But that's about how my classmates and I are, CHILDISH! haha.

We're from 17-20, and like a number of years have passed by at the same time leaving our childhood days behind, so is it wrong to bring back our lost childhoods? Go figure.

What pisses me off the most is that some people doesn't appreciate it. Ok maybe the word "appreciate" is a wrong word but what else can i replaced that word with? I mean if I'm childish, so be it, that's just me, am I always THAT childish? If I am, when? If you say all the time then justify it, I just hate it when people start to act all mature and all, you can be mature soon but please don't act so mature! Why waste your youth when you still can live it.

Some people claim that it's because it's embarrassing but then again I wonder, when kids are kids, do you think they're embarrassed with what they do? I agree that they're kids so they have every rights to be childish but come on la, we're young adults, mind you, YOUNG adults so we are still entitled to some childish-ness.

Well, I'm getting freakingly tired suddenly, must be because of the sudden rush of energy to the mind, or because I hardly had a fruitful sleep. I sure need to get some sleep, but fuck, I can't sleep! Must be some problems that's making me like this.

I seriously sometimes don't wish to sleep. Just wanna live through the night. The night's short, whyy waste it with sleep? When you can occupy it with some fun and entertainment.

Then again, you need people who are like me to do that. But how many people are like that?

I wonder.....

2008-05-20T15:03:00.003+08:00

Sigh! Why is that this world is full of problems? What has problems got to do with life? How does it freaking help you in this world?

People say, solvong problems help builds your experience, but I do realize one thing is that whenever you solve a problem, another problem arises, and its seemingly harder to solve it. So then, I wonder, is it worth solving anything at all?

This morning was kinda funny. I remember setting my alarm at 6am, the reason why I wanted to wake up early is cause I made a promise to someone but somehow, I cuden stay awake, instead, woke up at 8am instead! DAMN..! there goes another one. haha.

And seemingly when I thought I was gonna be the only one reaching school late, Lionel suddenly msged me to meet him at BK, so haha, I thought mayb I had someone to go to school with. Ok, this may sound weird but, haha, I like going school with someone, and I suddenly realized that I never fail to meet someone before I go to school, and this happened from the day I started school till now. LOL. I guess, I'm not cut out to be alone. haha.

And then came first break out, whoa! Fun time once again, haha! This time we had JD to go along with our breakfask, ok so some of you reading this would probably go: " why you guys drinking in the morning?!?!" lol, dun ask me but I can honestly tell you, drinking in the morning helps kick start the day.

Ask Nicole and she definitely will agree with me. She went SUPER HIGH! lol, desmond was on the verge of going bonkers, and ok, lionel, dunno what happened to him, Ishaq and me still hanging on but somehow I know I was becoming high...

Yea, well, so science today, freaking boring..! What heat la, what cold water la, sigh I wished I was on holiday.

Anyway, I'm already beginning to miss my life....

2008-05-18T20:03:00.006+08:00

What right does a father have in htting his own son, his bloody own flesh and blood. I doubt its legal. Wait if it is illegal and I can sue the asshole right?

I don't understand how someone can get sooo fired up over money issues. I mean, its just money right? so what if you're declared bankrupt, I mean that just mean whatever you own gets taken back right? so by what that sentence means, is that my family won't own anything right? lol.

Wrong, sad to say, I have like 15k worth of assets under my belt and like i can cash out that money and help pay whatever my dad fucking owns, but you know what's the stupid irony about him, he doesn't believe me! And that asshole starts hitting me, telling me to wake up when I'm already wide awake!

I don't get it, just because I work in a company that they think can't make it, but I'm already half way there, how can it not make it? Weird...

Whatever, now all I can do is sit and wait till my dad comes crying to me, asking me whether I have money, haha, and I'll go like:"if next time you need money, don't hit me...!"

That's one side of the problem, now is the other side. Somehow ah, I can never know why I felt so weird in my entire life! I mean, I never felt pain, anger, happiness, lost and cheerful all at the same time. No let me paraphrase that, I never felt all forms of emotions all in a SINGLE DAY! If you're wondering how I do it, I can't tell you. And now I suddenly feel like writing a freaking song, but I dunno what genre I'm goin for and what type of music suits the song. HAHA!

Ok, and so, feelings feelings feelings, hmmm, what is feelings anyway? I don't know. If anyone of you does, let me know ya? Oh and if you're gonna say its a way how people feel then i tell you save it, don't need to tell me more. Cos basically I'm not looking for those kind of answers, I'm looking for more depth in the meaning.

Oh ya, and then there's this time which my classmates were on the topic about who suffers more, people who can't tear or people who can tear. Well, basically, in my own opinion, I do agree that people who can't tear will suffer more emotional problems than those that can. Its kinda simple to look at it because imagine if you are feeling reali sad and you can't cry, how do you get rid of the pain? Well, I do have to agree that crying doesn't remove the pain TOTALLY but it helps numb the feelings for awhile, until you get your senses back and then you know why you are feeling sad. And apart from looking at sadness, happiness can be distinguished thru tears as well, its a sentimental feeling in which someone feels and cannot only expressed thru smiling or laughing, that's way tearing comes in, you tear when you are feeling this sense of joy in which you can't just say it out or smile it out, you need another source in which to express how much happiness you are feeling.

I had this feeling once, and it happened just recently. Of course, I don't reali wanna talk about it even though it was a happy feeling but its kinda between myself and the feelings. But I sure have experienced all sorts of emotions that I somehow know that each situation will end off with an emotion in which I expect it to hit. ok, that last sentence somehow sounded out of placed, but i think you get the idea.

Anyway, its getting late, and I've got a date with lion and piggy later at yishun, so may be I'll feel something later on, but, whyyy Yishun?!

It's a fucking boring place....

2008-05-14T01:41:00.002+08:00

Vengeance i dare say is indeed a painless pleasure.

I don't understand you. At first I thought it was me who was pulling the strings, but no, in turn i realize YOU are the one that's making fine decisions. What is it that you want badly from me? I don't get it, I'm lost...someone please help me?!

Family problems isn't the best to encounter at all, but it does happens. People say that problems, fights arguments all happen because of love, hah! I doubt this family does. Hmmm..what's love when your dad hits you till you bleed like a dog? What's love when your mother decides to take you to the police just because they can't settle some fucking small matter?

I don't understand them at all, they said I'm stupid but hey, I'm smart enough to fool them for about 2months before they found out. haha. But ok, I mean I have to admit, in Singapore it's never easy to get away with situation which you put yourself in. Like how does one get himself away from a murder case? I doubt that'll ever happen in Singapore.

But I ain't saying I was involve in a murder case la, you gotta be kidding me if you did believe that, I just got into some shit with my parents about certain family issues and now here I am, sitting down, wishing I could jus take the lift up and DIE!

Why does life have to be soooo bloody complicated? Why can't it just allow me a simple life in which I can lead happily, without having the idea of being accused or hurt badly!

Maybe some of you have the answer to the question, but I regard this one as a retorical question. So save it!

Today was ok, in a sense that I think I could jus make it on time for some stuffs in which I needed to do. I don't quite understand how everyone feels whenever I talk to them about how I feel.

I don't noe if you feel my pain, and furthermore, if you were in my shoes, what the fuck will you do?

I'm still lost for words and answers. This are just some things in which I would never wanna find out so soon. I just want time and space and to forget all miseries in which I know would go unresolved.

I just want my own life back....

2008-05-09T16:20:00.003+08:00

Another one bites the dust. Well, till now I never knew what that meant really cos I haven been asking anyone about what that reali means. Hah. But who cares?

Okok, well, class seems to be getting reali closer together. We went bowling together at Safra country club, boy, was it funny. Its really a fucking good way to relief stress. Haha. See all the funny bowling styles, making me feel reali reali good. But then again there’s still people trying to make me fucking pissed off with them. I dunno why but I get reali agitated by some people.

K whatever, at least this morning I was late for school. Kinda feels good to be late. It’s been like awhile to be late. Haha. I can have a later sleep in + my rest is finally good and sufficient. Haha.

Today I finally went back to sports school, and it was reali reali weird. I kinda missed the school in some ways. And its reali awesome to feel like im someone in that school, to have made an impact to like know everyone from the school. Haha.

Nothing much reali happened today jus that my stupid stomach feels reali reali weird this morning. Like there were knives cutting thru my internal organs, making me feel weak and vulnerable. I felt this way before but it wasn’t as severe as it happened this morning. I dunno what’s wrong but when I started walking it hurts agn. The pain is so unbearable till I cant even stand upright! I only can squat and wait for the pain to go away!

AHHH! Someone please kill me! Haha. If you could feel my pain then he anger will go away making me feel alive. The sorrows vanquish in thin air bringing back the happiness. The sun shines through the clear blue skies.

I am as happy as a lark, but how long will this happiness last…….?

2008-05-05T15:41:00.000+08:00

I can never understand why there’s so much hate in this world! How can someone find love when the 1st feeling they feel is hate? A story that goes about on how ppl would see it, is probably the only one where you would say ppl find love 1st then hate, but then again why does the word keeps coming back?

Will there ever be love again? If there is a thing called love then why do I feel a painful sensation whenever I am in love? Why does everyone love the hate and hate the love? Why not spread love evenly without the pain?

I would always try and understand how each individual feels but that’s making me an emotional kid, but sometimes I wanna ask those mother fuckers who label me how do they categorize emo kids; by how they’re able to feel for one another??? Fuck this life. I dunno how its considered life when you’re suppose to feel happy, I don’t, all I fucking feel is hate, hate hate hate! Never for once will I feel a solid liking in which I deserve to feel.

Negative comments sure help strengthen someone’s heart but we aren’t deaf, we’re still humans. We can feel, and you faggots out there who dispises us im sure you’re jus full of hatred which you cant release on your on. Take it out and you think it’s a good thing, but what else are you suppose to do? Some may us, I can never understand how you ever know how to decides what’s hate or whether u should bottle it all up.

I respect those who keep things to themselves, they receive all the hurt and hate that’s been thrown at them because honestly that’s how I am. I keep everything bottled up, but when I unleash, a lot of ppl wuden like it.

I cry myself to slp sometimes jus thinking of the pressure that kicks in.

At times, I feel like dying, and i wondered to myself why am I living? Why cant God jus take my life now, wait, is God actually there to hear me out? Does he answers to my prayer whenever I ask for something? Some ppl tells me that God shows you the solution indirectly but seriously, I am too tired to think about the solutions and how it may help me. I jus 1 a straight solution to help me make my life realistic and happy.

I am living in a world full of feelings, if I was immune to all the negative feelings then I might as well be dead. I hate showing it out but somehow I cant jus keep everything to myself. I know sometimes a man has to stand out and show his manly character but like I said earlier, we’re still humans, we have feelings and we can express it, its jus how you do it. I choose to pen it down, but then again I cant write everything out, this jus sucks.

I wanna cry again but wats the use? The feelings would only go away temporarily, once the tears stop coming, everything is thrown back at you so suddenly that you dunno what hit you. Its like knocking yourself against the wall so hard you dun even noe what your hitting.

I’d rather be paralyzed, to not feel anything is the best. I jus want my life to be smooth but then again is it possible? Fuck it….

I’m not gonna ans it, go screw it and find out.

2008-05-04T18:51:00.000+08:00

Another 3D2N camp finally came to a full stop. And this time round it wasn’t as great as the previous camp that I went. Anyway, it was kind of cool to be able to finally know your classmates reali well. I guess there were those who were reali weird and some that I would have never imagine them to be. But it was alright, at least I made LOADS of new friends. Haha. At least this camp was organized by students and so, most of them, no in fact all of them had the same “mentality” like us. Basically they’re jus a yr or 2 older than us but doesn’t mean being old by a few years makes any difference.

It doesn’t mean they have to more mature than us haha, cos there are some who are reali childish, to the point where you cant believe that they’re actually 20 behaving like a 12 years old kid. Haha. Yea, that’s life when you’re reali enjoying it, wanna relive the younger days again I suppose. Haha.

Ok so I reali did have fun at camp, but I swear the activities were a bore, I had fun hanging with my friends and making new friends, this was the fun thing about my camp, getting to noe new friends, other than that, it was rather weird and boring.
And we made the camp become a chalet, where everyone gathered in this freakingly huge hall so we sorta occupied the perimeter of the hall, and the middle was left to do activities like soccer, rugby, dancing, fighting and even tao pok-ing! Lol. I daresay the “night life” is better than any oder camps that I’ve been too. But hah! What do you expect from organizers who are 14 years old at heart?

Games are also lame, even if you ask a 14 year old kid to take part, he’d say its lame too. Haha. And best of all, im suffering from my sunburn now, went to sentosa at arnd 10++am and stayed till 9pm. And I swear the afternoon sun’s a KILLER! Fello killed those poor Chinese and ang mo kids, turning them from white and yellow to tomato red, not cos of embarrassment but you know why la. Haha

And us Malays and Indians weren’t so bad, at least you got burnt but not turned redish, hehe. It goes out to Kristine(esp. you!), Geraldine, and Simin, NICE “ROSY” cheeks girls :D haha!

Well, enough’s said, im gonna turn in now, din sleep for two freaking nights straight so im gonna catch up with slp now! Toodles y’all!

2008-05-01T11:41:00.000+08:00

I seriously want to know who said that life was easy. Easy comes in many ways like being able to do something and able to understand what you’re doing is easy. Yea, I do agree to that statement but then again, how many things that I do needs some time to understand? Well, almost EVERYTHING that I do needs time for understanding. Haha.

Like take my job for example, I would confidently say that my company’s easier than all other MLM companies outside simply because we don’t deal like those losers in selling products but more specifically, we sell plans. I know this may seem ridiculous but tell me, if selling of your companies platform can earn you up to 7-figure incomes, then why do other MLM company where you earn at most a bare minimal of 8k. Sad isn’t it? But to those who want to “save face” will then comment and say, “Hey look, it’s not as easy as you think! How many people are willing to buy plans instead of products?”

Sigh, it’s really up to them to decide what future they want. Well, my future is set in networking, simply because I gain new friends fast, I gain experience and business knowledge fast! Even the greens are rolling in like nobody’s business. Well in fact it IS nobody’s business, I EARNED it! Haha. Ok so now for those of you who are reading this, you think that hmm, maybe this dude’s right about one thing, about the his company beating the other companies. Well for one, I would proudly say that yes, my company’s 1000x better than those outside fools. Haha. And 2, I am still open for people who are willing to join me; I’m giving you all a chance to do so.
I don’t want to be regarded as selfish, self-centered and a bloody rich jock, but rather I still want to extend out my reach to others, like all my close buddies and friends. I mean, guys, I rather we grow and earn together. Come on, opportunities are regrets, but it’s up to each individual to decide what an opportunity is.

For example, let’s say you decide to turn down this opportunity saying that MLM companies cannot make it in the future, and you decide to work very super hard for you future, and you end up competing for jobs in the future among all the other workers. And one day when you see me driving pass you in my luxurious cars and you see me stay in one of those luxurious house, and you go like, “I wished I had join you…” well, I can truly tell you that, even if you are my friend I won’t welcome you anymore, for a very simple reason, why do I accept those who had stop me against my will.

I want supporters like those in my network, and now I am not driving, I don’t have a house, so it’s still possible to join. Give me a ring and I will fill you in on the details. Toodles!

2008-04-21T18:55:00.002+08:00

I guess there are just some things in which i cannot express in words. So many thoughts, so many feelings pushed through the veins so sudden that I can’t hold on, but how am I supposed to when I’m weak?
I’m lost for words to describe my anger and pain. It is just heart wrenching to make a decision to which I know is irreversible, a decision that would decide my life and how it will be impossible to turn it back when I realize I had picked the wrong one. It’s a scar made, that would burn deep into my skin, scarring me with the sins that I had committed in which I would always remember for life.
The memories and moments that I share would now seem distant. Not entirely possible to find a solution but every time a problem surfaces, is it possible to solve it?
But how many problems can be solved through solutions in which we think can be solved by? No one will know until of course they try to solve it on their own. But then again, will there be a solution for all problems?
Now the problem has once again been surfaced, now that I am no longer affected greatly by it, I know how it feels to be hurt. To go through the pain once again is like taking a bath every day. The desire to keep pushing on and holding is there but is my body willing to take more of it? Is the torture a burning desire for more? Or is it just another signal in which I should give up? No one can answer that, only I have the answer to that question.
Why do we choose giving up as the easiest way out? Why not find reasons to resolve the pain that’s scarring me? Why not look for opportunities in which I can open up to. But no! I choose neither. I choose to believe that I am the solution to my problems. I choose to think that no one can help me but myself.
“Why am I doing this?” this question keeps coming back, haunting me like a restless ghost. I can feel the pain from everyone, but does everyone feel mine? Am I lost for words in which I cannot say to all? Am I the only one able to decide what future I want it to be? Or do I need a follower, a companion with me?
Do I walk alone? I never will walk alone. My decision is made. And I am standing my ground on it. It’s about time I took a side. It’s about time I decide that my life would be shared by someone. But who is this person?
The answer lies deep in my heart. Only the true one will unlock the answer that’s locked deep down in my heart! <3

2008-04-17T23:11:00.001+08:00

Sometimes even the most simplest form of happiness can turn nasty with even the slightest problem arising that are just far worse than having than having someone stabbing you in the back.

I just loved the idea that I can’t possibly find out who I really am. I can be as funny as the rabbit dancing on the stone bucket or a boring soul that wanders through the streets with no direction.

This is ME! I am what my parents had made me to be. Friends and the environment that I express my feelings to are just places in which my character develops. Where did I get this idea? Well, it came from a-FREAKINGLY-long profiling questions that I had to do earlier today. I really find it a bore when you have to find out what your true personality really is, but I don’t really mind doing it because it is rather interesting in discovering who I really am!

I like one idea of being allowed to unfold that lost soul beneath the under-lying stretchable suit which I was born with but to finally know who you are and what you are capable of is another question yet to be answered. Why do people have so many different kinds of feelings and character? Why aren’t we all born with the same feeling that everyone can feel together? These are all un-answered questions which I would rather not dwell too much on. It gives the brain a rest day if I may!

Oh well, blog has been updated and I am feeling a little happy that had gone on for the day. Well, not for the part where the facilitator got bullied by my class but rather happy that I know myself and I know how to improve clearly. Anyway, PPP, if any of you are reading this, PLEASE JOIN THE SPORTS CAMP!! It will be different without the whole lot of you!

2008-04-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

It’s not easy, trying to figure out how things work out. But then again, everyone wants to know how we get pass our life with ease and how things go about so easily.
I do know one thing’s for sure! Today’s the first day of Poly LIFE and secondly, today, my sweet girlfriend and I turned a year old together! Yes it’s out anniversary today. We’ve been together for a year already and it’s going on swell! I think we can last for about 3-4 more years together before we finally get married and live together forever!

HAHA! That’s one good thing about today; the other is being in class today! Well I seriously agree that life at poly is great! We get to meet new friends everyday! Get to learn about stuffs together, discover things which you would not realize that is discoverable! Haha, but most importantly! We must always remember who our closes friends are; after all, we still need friends in the world for us to move on. Well if lose a friend and gain many at a time, I would think that losing friends are ok but then again why lose them when you can keep them?

Guys and gals from the PPP, stick together y’all! Don’t fall apart just because we made new friends! After all, this new friends that we made will always be there every day in class for the next 2months (I think…), and if we do not hang on like we used to, then I think that our bond will soon be lost! So guys, gather everyone together and lets hang if we can, everyday!

Atiqa, thanks for the company today. Cass, Sandra, Clara! Paitao siak you all! Haha. Heiqal and Yong liang, make it with your appointments, as your upline, I will guide you both to success! Zee, faruq and Hanif! Great you all could stay and hang with us. Dine, still as noisy as ever J Hazwan! Where the hell were you? Amm….MIA?! For NABILAH, I jus found out you are my “wife” and Sand and LemLem are our kids. LMFAO! And Boyboy! Real nice to see ya today, I’ll do some catching up with ya soon!

Anyway guys, lets stick together as a unit alright? If I missed out anyone, then im sorry cause I am reali tired but I wanna update this blog so that it won’t bore you all whenever you all come read my stuffs. Anyway, I’ll see y’all at school tmr!

2008-03-31T14:42:00.003+08:00

Bloody shit ass! i jus wrote a freaking longggg post and now its all freakingly gone! haha. dammit.

nvm i'll cut everything short. basically in my last post that was erased, i welcomed Heiqal into the family of prodigy. very interesting and fun person. funny guy at times, doesn't have tat shyness in him to carry out things. very fun indeed to have him with us.

Now, why don't everyone join us, grow reach together! I know its hard for everyone to trust cos we only met for like 2 months. but why don't we all be reach together! why dont we find the time to work and earn BIG together?

haha. everyone is different and i know that! so im always willing to welcome ppl into my clan, like a brother or a sister, i welcome anyone to the family. its easy to say "I don't have time" but in all honesty, do you reali not have time?

Ok so, yong liang's doing reali reali well in managing his ppl. I'm very proud of him that he has mature over the time in the company. I am very happy to have met him and introduced him to the company. well, yong liang, if you're reading this, keep up the good work, when im done with my audition, i'll get back on track fast and help you out! stay strong bro and make it!

other than that, there's nothing much to say reali. jus that i am very happy with my life and i am goin to make ALL my freaking dreams come true!

2008-03-17T20:30:00.002+08:00

Oh yeah! Whee..! haha. i've got my new laptop already! haha. reali reali cool, graphics damn shiok, sound system oso great! dunno what Dolby home theatre thing. haha. oh well. jus that my lap top's GREAT! can ready haha.

ok ok, so far, the week's ok,jus that im getting stress evry single day! i dunno why, jus that i feel its reali irritatin that sometimes when you dun get things done then it will seem like you dun have time at all. ok that sounded wrong but heck, i dun have the time to correct the sentence. jus too lazy to do it. haha. and mum's getting reali irritating that i've skipped trainin. what gives? i dun have the time for soccer now. doesn't anyone realize that?

Soccer as most of you know cant give me a good career in the future, why cant they jus leave me alone for once? why cant i jus make my own freakin decision! im 17 for crying out loud. in almost less than 10 months' time i'll be 18. why cant they jus cut me some slack? haiya. i jus wonder why are they being so decisive in my life? now that i am old enough i jus want my life to be my life. i want it to be lead my way, not theirs!

Ok so yes i've been listening to them for the pass 16 years, well, i wuden include the years that i was born, but heck, easier to count that way. oh well. haha.

Well what i need know is result to shut them up so that i wont have to find ridiculous reasons jus to stay out and enjoy my life. After all, I'm still a kid!

2008-03-11T11:34:00.002+08:00

day by day, evryday passes with each day being a different day from the previous. well, who said it would be the same evryday? Not evryday's Sunday right?

well, today, i got up with a splitting headache. Din have the feeling of goin sku at all. but of course i dun wanna let my sku frens down so being a good school mate, i decided to come. haha. and suffer the torment of the boredom from school. haha.

k so my group mates are reali helpful. haha. dang, still it doesnt help to clear the headache. cos adding on the headaches i have to do presentation on which i gotta reck my brain on how to improve my presentation to help my group. wuden boast abt my efforts but im glad that it paid off after the end of the presentation.

at least the new faci is better than the other 1, she's much more interesting. haha. which makes the class more entertaining. and yong liang's vibe's going down. haha. cute fello. oh well, lunch time coming soon. im hungry, gonna whack western i tink.

to all the ladies and gents, please bring your notebook. you'll soon wanna write down notes. haha. thank you!

2008-03-10T15:14:00.002+08:00

Money money money, right now all i can think of is earning LOADs of money. haha. how i do it? lol. of im not telling you. why the hell would i give away my secret recipe and founding formulae to the secrets of success? you tell me..

i have a plan. no wait, i have 6 goals in mind rite now. some of you may agree to my goals but others may think its ridiculous.

my 1st goal is to become manager at the company that im working at. to be exact, i wanna become a Business Association Manager. not a big title but minimum pay is about 10k. haha. so ya, then in the future, im gonna drive my very own BMW M Z4 coupe. haha. dunno what BM that is? check out the net if you have to.

my 3rd goal, is to leave in orchard, mayb 1 of the condos there. heck the prive. i shud be able to afford it rite? haha. ok 4th goal, allow my parents early retirement. i mean, wen im earning big, y bother asking my parents to work rite? i can look after them then.haha.

5th goal, is to take over the family business. taking over the studio if you wanna be specific. haha. im gonna convert it into a recording studio too. ok lastly, i wanna get married. married not in singapore of course, but somewhere in the mediterranean sea. yea, those are my goals.

ok so if you think its un attainable then 2 words for you, mental problem, but if those of you who agree to what i say, good for you, mayb i'll invite you along my journey if you wanna join me.

haha. have fun ppl, stay in touch for you may never noe......! :)

2008-03-05T10:43:00.008+08:00

VENGEANCE; the painless pleasure. haha. i like that phrase.

nvm, on to my life, i'd like the apportunity to apologise once again for updating late. recently, i've been REALLY busy. Tied down on working to get my figure income.

anyway, school right now is being such a bore! I mean, its only 1 month into the program and im cracking soon! lol. i need a new life! ok, so mayb i'll get that in the future but its not coming anytime soon, oh well, i gotta rely on my frens for help them, after all, frens are impt as well.

haha. hey hey, anyone of you all interested in looking for a job, let me noe yea? i've got a good job that can offer you GREAT pay. trust me on this part :D

thanks for reading.

2008-02-27T11:02:00.003+08:00

Bloody Fucking Shit!!! ok sorry people that i haven updated this data field for i dunno how long! haven reali had the time to come up here and post something. no worries, now that im free, i'll do you'all a favour and post things which you'all missed!

ok, i cant recall when was the last time i posted but heck, school so far not bad. The week where the class went for OBS was the best week. only 5 of us including me didn't go for OBS so it was the week of relaxing, by right we were so suppose to plan for a project and when the kids get back, we're suppose to tell them wat to do and carry out the project as a class tgt.

As usual, i started playing Dota 1st then watch movies. Like i said earlier, the week was the week to kick back relax and enjoy! haha. that's what its all about rite? haha.

okok. boring stuffs so we enjoyed then got down to business and we had to go to the old folks home yet again to help out with some service learning project. oh oh, gotta talk abt Rawwington! what a dumb shit he is. haha. loser son of a bitch which i dun even noe why he's here. useless piece of mother black shit! haha.

seriosly he has to go down, damn lazy, damn fat, damn useless! wonder hu his parents are. haha. must be same like him oso. damn! i gotta go out!

IM SUPER BORED and my fever's coming back! dunno why im always falling sick recently. i already cut down on smokin + been trainin hard like hell. i tink its cos of the stupid trainin. lol.

Sunday Game: Coe North Team vs. Australia U16
Time: 5pm
Venue: Jalan Besar Stadium.
Admission: Free
Details: Call me if ur interested, or email!

ah, that shud be it. im gonna flipped now! head hurts, someone come HELP ME!!!!!!!!

2008-02-14T10:45:00.002+08:00

ok! im super bored. haha damn! gotta do bloody story telling after this. wtf?! this is super duper weirdo! lol. man, the lecture like one bloody bapok sial! haha. no wonder we have to tell story. haha. nabei! i need to go smoke! haven touched a stick since i was seek a few days back. oh, you dun wanna noe why i went to the old folks home the oder days. haha. it was super WEIRD ppl. haha. ever seen someone depressed and turning into a trasverstite, damn! dunno how u spell it ah.. haha. blah blah. guess its my turn to tell story now, dun sleep ah! haha.

2008-02-10T18:51:00.000+08:00

The ups and downs of Chinese New Year. haha, is it true that there are the ups and downs of it? well, some would truly say that CNY is a happy time and that NOTHING would go wrong. haha. some would agree wif me that CNY brings not only happiness, but anger, sadness, all the feelings that you'll feel on a normal day.haha. and some would say that cny brings only the down side of life. heh. for me, i feel that its jus any oder day of the week. apart from receiving red packets and meeting up wif long lost cousins, i can truly say that cny is actually another excuse for working adults to go on holiday and for kids like us to dry them up wif money. haha. so hu gains the happiness? definitely not the adults cos they have to give away their money and the kids mayb so. i have a few frens hu claims that cny sometimes brings them bad luck on that day. some wud say its cos they've been bad the whole bloody year. haha. for me, i'll jus say that its normal. any oder day u wud b unlucky too, jus that u dun pay much attention to it. n if ur unlucky-ness falls on cny, u'll be so god-damn pissed that you would probably climb up a 100 storey building and jump down. haha. so wat makes cny soooo auspicious? lol. i dont reali quite noe. no offence to my chinese frens and relatives. but i tink the chinese reali exaggerates stuffs. a good example would be a mother trying to impress her sister about her son. the mother of the boy, would go on abt saying how good his son is, how smart his son is, how talented his son is, how bright his future would be and so on and so forth. it doesnt stops! haha.to me i wont give a shit how bright his bloody future would be. i would jus wait until the day comes and then see whether his future's bright. if its dark and cant see a thing, then i would ask his mother why din she light up his future for him? haha. well, i dun wanna be seen as an insult to cny cos i myself celebrate it since im half chinese. haha. so it brings back to the point at the start. is it true that there are the ups and downs of Chinese New Year? Its a question you have to figure out urself. take care people. and have a wonderful year ahead! Xin Nian Kuai Le! :D

2008-02-09T00:33:00.000+08:00

awesome day today! well, wasnt ALL that awesome but at least it was kinda cool. haha. woke up and went straight for prayers. somehow i had the urge to go. probably must have been the calling of the God's will that made me wanna go. ok so, we went there, my dad, bro and me. standard 3. and ok, was sort of fun. i dun see how praying is fun but some ppl say, if u make it fun then it'll be more meaningful. oh well, ok. so after prayers, went home and sleep agn. cant figure out why im that tired today. yea, got up and then went to my aunt's place for some gathering. haha. and today, well not today, like an hour ago it's naresh's bday. so a few of us celebrated for him. kinda cool, celebrated it by surprising him wif a cake and not letting him noe tat we rmbed his bday. he felt weird at 1st, thinkin y no 1 texted him or called him to wish him, but in the end he realized it was all planned. haha. cute guy ah,vam. hehe.(im not GAY!) ok. after tat i had this dinner thing wif my relatives. dinner was AWESOME! hadn't had those kind of 8 course meals in like ages. kinda miss it. haha. best part is that im finally allowed to drink! not like i haven been drinkin but FINALLY able to drink wif my parents and relatives. so we drank, talk, eat, laugh, then went toilet then continued then finally done. haha. ok so it was real good from start to finish! the bill oso quite shiok! 4-digit numbers. no wonder i can nv have this kind of meals wif my fam. haha. yea. so after dinner i went out agn wif naresh and the grup, jus had a little chat wif them before we all went home. YEA! so that was my day. which is by far 1 of the best that ive had this few days, other than my birthday last weekend! :D

2008-02-01T10:49:00.000+08:00

friday today! not bad, a week has pass and im getting reali happy with the classes that are held in sku. the pass 1 wk jus shows how fun RP reali is. i can never be happy with a sku like this. i dunno, mayb my personality's like this and others are different from me. they may like it or they may not, its jus how different people are. haha. anyway, the day today isn't as happy as it is like a few days back, it sucks! woke up with a BAD dream which had been occuring over the pass few nights. Its always abt me and my girl fighting yet agn, evrytime i wake up, i feel the pain even tho i noe its a dream. but if u can feel how i felt, you'll noe wat i mean wen i say the pain lingers even after the dream has ended. like i mention earlier, the dreams were BAD! the stuffs that both me and my girl does are always happy, but i dunno WHY this dream keeps coming. i hate it. but i noe, not like evry1 likes bad dream. if they do, then they're weird. im a happy person so if you must noe, and happiness, like to evryone, is important. i hate days like this, the 1st time it happened it wasn't as bad as the 2nd time that it did. death and jealousy are jus two traits that reali sucks. what i hate most is that i inflict the death upon people i dunno. and the cause of it reali jus saddens me wenever i tink abt the dream. anyhow, gonna do web designs now. i jus hope the day will improve!

2008-01-31T13:15:00.000+08:00

Cool! lunch was fun! ate with the group earlier and not bad ah. RP's food not that bad actually. Quite nice, cheap and good i shud say. Lunch quite quiet.but its ok ah. now gonna use fotoshop and edit fotos, not that i dunno how but im still open to new ideas. haha. hope it'll be fun:)

2008-01-31T10:47:00.001+08:00

hello all! how cool is rp? bloody hell, they loan us laptops which we can use while we're here and then best of all, the facilatators allow us to surf the net while doin our projects. evry1's basically msn-ing each other arnd the room. its simple that ppl can actually go talk to each oder but they choose not too. Jus chat thru msn is what evry1 tinks is convenient. oh well, since evry1 feels that way, i guess i shud jus feel tis way too rite? haha. oh well, another break now, gotta go. update later in the day!

2008-01-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

HOLY crap! blog's been dead like dunno how long! phew! manage to finally find the time to update this fello. and hello! anyone hu can find a reali cool skin tats suits my personality would reali do fine right now. haha. anyway, im jus reali tired from the NFA trainins this past week. I guess the lion city cup's reali reali a huge thing for them. they're pushing us like as tho we're some animals. haha. new coach dun give us much water breaks too. i rmbed only having 1 water break today. for the whole bloody 2 hours only 1 water break. haha. i tink fasting month this year no problem ready! haha. okok. so NFA's reali tedios but wat the heck? its for a good cause right? i hope :s haha. im tinkin of quitting the team if lets say the coaches dun agree to the terms tat im willing to lay down for him. ok so in the end they agreed and let me off for the weekends to be free. If not i gotta train on sat and sun too! haha. wat a killer. well, thank god im free and now i can get a better rest + still stick to my happy life b4 this whole trainin thing started. haha. alright then. im gettin fucking sleepy now. gonna update agn next time, hope it wont be long b4 i do so. keep reading y'all!

2007-12-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

fuck! this is bad... i think i'm turning gay!! today i saw this guy in the shop and he made a pass at me! worse thing is... i actually felt like returning the gesture! i cant help but look at myself in the mirror ALL the time. and i take longer to get ready then my girl! anyway, i few shops down i saw this other guy. around 18. and i swear he has the best arms i have ever seen! so strong! fuck i steam sia.. just looking at him. is it weird that guys keep staring at me? i dont wanna turn gay!

2007-12-21T00:56:00.000+08:00

WHAT THE FUCK!! blog's been dead since like dunno wen! haha. crap, ive been having some bad luck lately. Like hurting my ankle on purpose without any reason reali. heh. dunno how i do it too, its like i was rotating my ankle n suddenly there was tis popping feeling and there u have it, i tink the vein jus fell into the wrong place and now its hurting like crap! cant even walk if u need an example. and lately, ive been having dreams about my family dying, and my girlfren leaving or dying. crap! its kinda creepy and sad at the same time. cos like this dreams are SO real its like, there....waiting to happen. argh. i dunno, evrytime i wake up from it i somehow become more aware on wats happening. like thinkin whether they'll reali die or have that strange weird feeling that i felt in my dream. FUCKING weird i shud say. heh. well, gotta work tmr. and the fatigue's kicking in already. n my damn ankle's jus making my life miserable. haiya. well, so much for the late post.

2007-12-08T04:19:00.001+08:00

BLOG IS UNDER MANTAINENCE.

alot of people can't see the words or hate squinting their eyes so i took the liberty to change the skin for the time being till i find a proper one for this asshole. haha. until the fcuking owner or me find a suitable skin for the blog, it'll be this cute and simple one. haha! take care yo bitches!

EDITED BY : DIYY ANA :D

2007-12-07T13:34:00.000+08:00

Woke up late to a Friday! well, aint it normal? Ive been gettin up like at 3-4 in the day, hu cares anyway? i like getting up late. haha. Well, except for ytd, narelle came over and stay for like almost the WHOLE bloody day! well, i reali appreciated her companion but, i was trying to get some slp in the afternoon! haha. Nvm abt tat, time reali pass wen ur doin smth, so tat proves abt time flying! oh oh, i bought the new A7X album! Fucking awesome....!!! They have like the videos of the making of the album and know what, this new album doesnt jus compromise Shadows singing, its the whole band singing tgt. And if you have bought the new album, u'd know that some1 special in the band can scream like Shadows. I have to tell you. Avenged Sevenfold is by far, to me, the GREATEST band! haha. Anyway, im probably goin to the skafest ltr. Dunno y im there too but some of my frens are there. So probably jus chill with them ltr. Alright, adios amigos!

2007-12-05T01:05:00.000+08:00

today was super fun! ok. well, it was rather special actually. went out early in the freakin morning cos Narelle wanted me to be there wif her. supposedly, we planned to go shop for Christmas prezzie but what the heck, in the end din buy anything. haha. ok. so today was my turn to tend the studio, and so i brought her there. And no if ur thinkin that me n her started doin stuffs there we didn't k? We're angels :D (hah!) anyway, we listened to A7X's latest album, i bought tat :), and watched the making of their album. Its fucking awesome! haha. and ya, then, watched borat, ali G and a few oder videos. Man! it was great having her all day, we talked and talked like there's no tmr. I guess i reali missed her a lot! oh well, not much aft tat, sent her home and then went back to the studio to jam with my cousins. yup, we're now compiling covers and we're making an album out of the covers. haha. weird, yea i noe! but we gotta start somewhere rite? haha. k so tats abt it. we have abt 10 covers tat we're playing so ya. shud be enough to start an album! haha. ok so tats jus almost evrything abt today. din reali have time for the past few days, anyway, i hope u all enjoy reading this! smile..>!!

2007-11-23T01:45:00.000+08:00

bloody fuckin bitch! haha. spend so much money this week! i tink close to 500 sial! well, had lots of things to do. had my bro's chalet on monday-wednesday, spend money on drinks n cigerette.(oh i started smokin agn)! ya, n today, spend money on buyin the MCR tickets. hey! im goin. haha. well, life's been reali good after i stopped workin. i guess im not yet cut out for this sort of workin life yet, i mean hey, come on, im only 16! I gotta enjoy the youth wen i still can. haha. ok, so, evry1's workin now and wat do i do while they work? Eat and slp! well, i can reali eat cos of my braces(i had it on on monday:)) yea, n so i slp most of the time, play guitar and go out find chics to dig. oh, my estate's full of em, frm minahs to ah lian to decent, pretty, n MOST ugliest oso have. so ya....well, i guess tats all i can do this few days until i find smth else to so. i cant wait for poly life to start! its gonna be a blast. haha.oh well, braces's killin me now. gonna try n get some slp. hah. goin red bar tmr! hehe. see fren play actually! ah, hu cares. hope to see ppl soon!

2007-11-14T16:18:00.000+08:00

Last night was awesome! Had to work in the day but it was alright. After work was where the fun begun! Linkin Park was in town and tats why we all had fun last night! hehe. went to the LP concert with Amm, Abel, Anders, Apek, Abel, Aqilah, Ba, Naresh and Syafiq. Only me, aqilah, naresh, abel and ba were in the standing pen. haha, the rest were sitting. well, it was suppose to start at 8 but i guess it delayed awhile and started at 9, but hu cares, they brought the hse down man! haha. oh and i was suppose to stick to aqilah like i promise but somehow it got so shiok i went all the way to the front! was suppose to mosh but dunno y no1 did. oh well, jus some shoving and pushing. haha. losers. anyway, show ended at 1030! i was soaking by then. like ive jus been thru a shower or smth. haha. reali reali wet. yea. well then i went to my cousin's hse. Slpt there, and now im home. haha. was sooo cool! now i cant wait for them to come agn. haha. fucking awesome! And now, next up, MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE! haha.

2007-11-11T22:33:00.000+08:00

haven been here for quite some time ready! well, for those who noe, blog's changed. i mean the url ah. yea. cos like the other url too famous ready, evry1 oso noe. heh. anyway, those hu noe jus keep it to urself k? well, life's been prettt much the same, the dull old boring life tat i noe. haha. hmm, nth interesting of the sort. oh well, wat can u expect rite? Singapore's so damn bloody small! haha. oh, the only thing that i can look forward to now is the LP concert tats happenin on tuesday! and tmr im gettin extraction for my braces! haiya, so troublesome. why does god do tis?tsk. well, jus have to accept it! ah anyway, have to slp now. been out the whole day and im super tired! haha. got work tmr too, so cant stay up tat late. alrite, be back again soon!

2007-10-29T23:53:00.000+08:00

work work work! haha. well, that's wat you gotta do in life rite? after your studies, you get a job and earn money for life! well, isn't tat the motive for us in life? to earn enough money for urself and soon enough to raise a family! how fun. haha. hmmm, but its not at all easy (who said it was??), the ppl you meet, the type of job u have. the environement! everything plays apart. well, i cant agree more with what you have is what you get! WELL, that's tru. If you work hard, you get better pay, if you are lazy, then your pay's a minute amount! ok. so that's about what's life all about!

2007-10-20T13:02:00.000+08:00

woah! 3 days of re-occuring dreams IS weird! i mean. mayb you have the same dream for 2 days but having it for 3 straight days jus puts u in the back seat to wonder why. well, for first, i heard it somewhere, that if ur crazy about smth then it sort of appears in ur dreams, Like if you crave for pizza so badly, you'll end up dreaming that you're having 1. well. mine's kinda like that but not craving for pizza! haha. anyway, its rather cool to dream abt the same dream for a STRAIGHT 3 days! haha. i mean, it never happened to me before. and it always have the same ending! reali reali freaky. well, im goin off to my studio in a few hours time. probably go there and chill. yup. oh. i haven smoked for 3 days ready! n im dying for a stick. haha. but i cant! cos i made a promise to change and i'll stick to that. yup. well. im off now. i tink i'll go look at guitars 1st then i'l go to the studio!

2007-10-18T14:15:00.000+08:00

woke up to a weird morning today! had this dream tat i was lookin for guitars and weird thing was i went to every guitar shop in singapore and i couldn't find a single guitar that sold the model tat i wanted! best of all, i went to 1 shop and the whole rack of guitar there was filled with Fenders! and i cant afford fenders. haha. nvm..lucky it was only a dream. haha. so i got up, went toilet and then went back to slp. had another dream, this time it wasnt abt guitars it was abt her. well. this dream was somewhat rather similar to the dreams back then when was crazy abt her. guess i still am. well. i forgive you if ur (that girl) reading this. I forgive you for all ur wrong doings towards me. hmm, well. eleanor, i noe ur rather upset but like i told you before forget about me. im not worth your time as my mind's still with her. yea. well. my blessings goes out to you! good luck, my friend. And as for her, i guess its a matter of time of waiting. its only thursday but the week's coming to an end. well. enough said. i'm not gonna type out too many personal stuffs. yeah. anyway, ytd's practice was reali good. at least the improvement is visible! its now down to the tightness of the band to gain complete feel for the music. yup. tats abt it. go go power rangers.......lalalalalala! PEACE

2007-10-18T01:34:00.000+08:00

today was reali reali good! finally i get to go out with her! this was the day tat i longed for, for a very very long time! anyway, met up with her after her trainin. had breakfast, went to the movies and then went all the way to my studio. well. it may seem boring to you but the time that we spent doing all these was worth my time and money. well. i promised her i'd only treat her to a meal but it so happened i treated her to almost everything! haha. be grateful;) well, now i understand why she was so upset with me. well. i do have to agree tat my stubborness does affect my character in many ways and my relationship with friends too. hmm. well, i guess im gonna try to change. probably it'll do me some good. probably it wont. it will all depend. haha. alrite. im serious now! aint jokin abt changing for the better. well, hope that i've proved to you that i'm worthwhile and not the sucker that you thot i'd be. ;) peace.
p.s: i'm feeling so so so much better now :))

2007-10-15T00:48:00.000+08:00

so you think you're god-damned better than me? think that everything i say is wrong and you're right? FINE! I'll accept your fucking words for it. It rings loudly in my head that you HATE me! So what if i'm stubborn? at least im fucking willing to listen. Not like you at all. GIRLS KNOW??? haha. bullshit. what do they know?? know about screwin lifes? yea thanks. I knew that too. I said i still loved you and you only said you know? haha...what kind of a reason is that for claimin that you understood? you defenitely don't. well, im glad i cut myself, glad that it reminded me of how a bitch you've been. you were always the one tats right, and i had to always fucking give in so that you'd be happy, but hell no! you never fucking understand. u never understood how tat happiness came about, never realize how the sacrifices has been made jus to make you happy, motherfucker! so glad that now you're not in relationtion to me anymore right? cos i might embarressed you in some fucking way? haha. screw you! and thanks for those last words, screw my life and burn in hell right? Well, its been well screwed asshole and I'm already burning in hell and may my sins be a memory of how you last treated me for the fucking happiness that you wanted bitch! And may you're mum rest in peace. I'm done talking now, jus let me rot in hell cos tats wat I know you're thinkin of right now. And i know you wished you never met me. Im jus glad that death will soon come and I hope it'll be a quick ending so that I can now burn in hell. Just like you wished, BITCH!